Yes, I was raised Christian. I've claimed the label for my own. I pray my life reflects my faith.
Having said that, I struggle with relying on God, for a number of reasons. I remind myself that they are excuses. However, defining them gives me a place to start in working through them.
As an abuse survivor, trust is a major struggle. How do I trust God when I was left in an abusive environment? Didn't He love me enough to save me?
It required a lot of years and tears to understand Jesus is more interested in saving my soul in the long term. I'm not saying the abuse was for my good. It wasn't. However, Jesus is powerful enough to overcome evil with good.
What I learned: Compassion, strength, courage. I struggled with my faith, but I also discovered my faith. While I didn't believe I trusted God, I came to understand that I trusted God bud I didn't trust me. Not trusting myself required approaching the problem in a different way.
Even as I've come to know I trust God, I struggle to give everything over to Him.
Being an abuse survivor, I need to feel in control. I'm finally accepting that me in control is not the best idea. Here's the amazing blessing: God allowed me to work through this at my own pace. He guided and offered inspiration through His Word and through amazing people who have also traveled my same journey and are willing to share their struggle.
The heart of my storytelling is the need to add my voice. My journey of faith is found within the pages of my stories. My prayer is that others find something of worth within those pages, something that strengthens them, inspires them, gives them hope.
Much of my battle to write each story is to step out of my own way and allow God to guide me.