Giving over to God

Yes, I was raised Christian. I've claimed the label for my own. I pray my life reflects my faith.

Having said that, I struggle with relying on God, for a number of reasons. I remind myself that they are excuses. However, defining them gives me a place to start in working through them.

As an abuse survivor, trust is a major struggle. How do I trust God when I was left in an abusive environment? Didn't He love me enough to save me?

It required a lot of years and tears to understand Jesus is more interested in saving my soul in the long term. I'm not saying the abuse was for my good. It wasn't. However, Jesus is powerful enough to overcome evil with good.

What I learned: Compassion, strength, courage. I struggled with my faith, but I also discovered my faith. While I didn't believe I trusted God, I came to understand that I trusted God bud I didn't trust me. Not trusting myself required approaching the problem in a different way.

Even as I've come to know I trust God, I struggle to give everything over to Him.

Being an abuse survivor, I need to feel in control. I'm finally accepting that me in control is not the best idea. Here's the amazing blessing: God allowed me to work through this at my own pace. He guided and offered inspiration through His Word and through amazing people who have also traveled my same journey and are willing to share their struggle.

The heart of my storytelling is the need to add my voice. My journey of faith is found within the pages of my stories. My prayer is that others find something of worth within those pages, something that strengthens them, inspires them, gives them hope.

Much of my battle to write each story is to step out of my own way and allow God to guide me.

Posts About Me 1

This is the first in a series of posts about me. I hope these help you decide my books are worth the read. I also hope they help save time for those who have no interest in my books. I know there's nothing more disappointing than expecting one kind of book and discovering what I'm reading isn't something I'm interested in reading. Not all books in a single genre are the same. Authors in the same genre are as different as football players on the same team and cupcake bakers. A lot of similarities but no two are alike.

I'll start with the type of books I write: Christian Romance.

Jesus is my Savior and influences my life and thus my writing. Faith in God is a central element in all my stories. Some characters come from a place of unbelief but most are simply struggling with their faith, like a lot of people.

I write about relationships, how I've seen them and how I wish they were. I've made plenty of mistakes. Like Clay, in Old Fashioned, I have a lot of theories. My stories give me an opportunity to explore those theories.

Questions I have, problems I'm struggling with, "what ifs" are worked out in my stories.

Holiday USA update and cover reveal

Secondhand Samhain is in final edits. I still need to write the blurb. Not my favorite thing to do but a necessary bit of work. Today's project while I wait for the final read through by my editor. I hope you love this story as much as I do. I had such fun writing it.

My Holiday, USA series cover artist, Ruth Mower, created a delightful and fun cover

Isn't it fun?

Christmas Present is also well on its way to being finished. It won't be published by Thursday, but I anticipate it will be soon after. Then the 2015 anthology, with the last 4 novellas, will be published in paperback, in February. Errant Knight is due and will fully occupy January.

HEA vs PEA

I write Happily Ever After not Perfectly Ever After.

Many people... okay, most people believe that the fairy tale HEA means the couple has no more troubles. All their strife is over. Everything is smooth sailing. The couple never has another difficulty. Everything is perfect.

Perfectly Ever After.

One is able to be happy in the midst of trials and tribulations. Life would be miserable if we couldn't. I don't know about anyone else, but in my life strife doesn't end. Smooth sailing is the calm before the storm. Difficulties abound. Everything is decidedly imperfect. This does not keep me from being happy. In fact, joy is often found in overcoming a weakness, surviving pain with grace, and helping someone else who is struggling.

The point of the HEA in a story isn't that the couple never has another obstacle to overcome. HEA means they will face their dilemmas and troubles together. HEA means they no longer need to stand alone. When one is drowning the other throws a flotation device. They give each other a hand over the stumbling blocks and rejoice together. They are happy.

Happily Ever After.

Reluctant Knight is due...

...this Saturday. It's coming along. I always feel the tug of a deadline. Up until the moment I send it in, I find something to change in the hope of improving it.

It's Wednesday night, and a storm is moving in. Not helpful. Storms are distracting.

God is in control. He knows me. He knows what I need. He knows I've lessons to learn.

From the look of it, on the weather station, it's taming a bit.

The storm dissipated, leaving me free to write uninterrupted. Thanks God.

This was posted on FB, and it is pretty accurate. It also makes me laugh.

Sneak peek...

I shared this on FB, last week. I wanted to thank those who follow my author page. Richard Carrington is the hero of this story. He was introduced in "Unexpected Possibilities," a friend of James Thorn. What I didn't mention is that Sinclair simply showed up, as so many of my characters do. Never planned on him. Not sure if he has a more significant role at some later date. He's a prideful, stubborn man, but I like him.

A sneak peek at "Reluctant Knight" (unedited):

To what do we owe this attack of nerves?" Sinclair's gaze drifted to where Richard rubbed at his middle. "Ah. She's going to learn of your perpetual itch and weak stomach. Awkward when you want to be her knight in shining armor."

"A bit melodramatic?" Richard stretched his fingers. "A few hundred years too late for knights."

"Every man needs to be the knight in shining armor to the woman who holds his heart."

"Who said she held my heart?"

"Another weakness."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Lying to yourself. Might want to leave that trait in this room when you walk out the door. Glaring does not intimidate me."

My Favorite Book...

At the conference, I was asked to chose my favorite of all my books. It's a bit like asking a parent which child is their favorite. At the time, I chose Tarnished Knight. Jack, the hero, appeared a few years before his story. I wrote a few paragraphs to an unknown stories simply to remove the scene from my head. Shortly thereafter, he showed up in one of the hero conversations.

April 27, 2012

Luck: Where's Laurel?
Matthew: Is she missing?
Luck: I haven't seen her for a week.
Matthew: *smirks* She finished rough edits for our story, last night. Mayhap she needs a break.
Luck: She needs to do some serious edits on our story.
James: Why are you complaining? At least she's finished your stories. We're still waiting for our HEA.
Jack: HEA?
James: Happily Ever After.
Jack: Stop complaining. At least you aren't stuck in the first chapter, wearing a kilt.
*snickers all round*
Jonathan: Stand down, gentleman, our fair lady is attending her first writers' conference.
Jack: Do we need to mount a rescue mission? I'm a fair hand at those.
Jonathan: *one brow raised* No. This is a long-expected party.
Luck: She's at another Lord of the Rings conference?
Jonathan: *huffs* No. A writers' conference.
Luck: Tolkien was a writer.
Jonathan: You're hopeless.
Luck: No, I'm not quite finished, and it's unsettling. Wipe the smug look off your face. We don't want to hear about your story being with the editor.
Jonathan: Life is good, gentleman.
Matthew: She's worked hard. She needs a rest.
Jack: *whispers* I peeked at the schedule. It is many things, but restful isn't one of them.
Jonathan: It will be a change, for her, and she'll return soon, fresh, and inspired.
Matthew: So, we wait?
Jonathan: We wait.
Luck: God bless.

I'd attended the Desert Dreams Conference hosted by Desert Rose, a chapter of Romance Writers of America.

Looking back, I think it's interesting that this is the first of the conversations to fit this format, which the gentleman have insisted be used ever since. Bossy characters.

Jack evolved and changed and evolved again. He even spent a brief period as a hero in a time-travel romance. Perhaps I'll share what little I wrote of it, sometime, as it will never be more than the page or so I jotted down to remove it from bouncing around in my head.

Of Heroes and Heroines

Researching my own writing style I'm hoping will help me become a better writer as I improve by recognizing what works for me and what doesn't.

Heroes: They appear as they will be by the end of the story. I have to deconstruct them, find out how they became heroes. I've been surprised more than once. The biggest surprise was Benjamin Grace's Possibilities. As I learned his story, I wanted to dump him in the trash more times than I can count. Reading his transformation still makes me cry.

Heroines: They show up at the beginning of their journey and honor me with the opportunity to watch them grow and become who they're meant to be. I didn't like Cassandra Reluctant Knight when I met her in Unexpected Possibilities. She wasn't a nice person. It was tempting to dump her, but she needed to tell her story.

A bit like the above picture, all my characters begin out of focus. My responsibility is to sharpen the view and make them clear for the world to see. I pray I do their stories justice.

Sharing Links Saturday...

Ryan Lanz, over at A Writer's Path, offers marketing advice:
http://ryanlanz.com/2015/06/13/150-diy-ways-to-market-your-book/
And how to write with the five senses:
http://ryanlanz.com/2015/06/15/how-to-write-with-all-five-senses/

Writers In The Storm is sharing articles on writing spies:
http://writersinthestormblog.com/2015/06/writing-spies-finding-bugs-who-when-and-how/

Mary Blayney, over at The Risky Regencies, shared "I love deadlines..." Or not:
http://www.riskyregencies.com/2015/06/15/i-love-deadlines/

Lit World Interviews is a blog I've added to my list recently. Ronovan shared a helpful article on "Amazon Book Reviewing."
https://litworldinterviews.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/amazon-book-review-policy/

God bless.

What Do I Write?

Perhaps this is long overdue. I've spent a great deal of time endeavoring to find an "elevator pitch." The idea is to create something you could say to an agent or editor that would interest them in your book if you managed to hop on an elevator at the same time, such as at a convention.

I read my first romance novel when I was 19 years old. I read avidly for years, but I missed the faith aspect. Christian romances were difficult to find, at the time. To be honest, I wasn't impressed with them when I could find them.

I found a few authors I loved, Janette Oke and Elizabeth Mansfield. Mansfield didn't write Christian, but she did write clean Regency romances. As much as I enjoyed them, I had trouble identifying with the characters.

Christian romances were so...clean. I'm an abuse survivor. My life's messy.

I quit reading romances for a number of years. Picking up a romance novel after so many years was like finding an old friend. As I read, I wished there were a little more faith in God.

As I struggled to decide where I wanted to take my own stories, I drifted closer and closer to Christian romances. I knew it would be an uncomfortable fit, but less uncomfortable than attempting to cut my faith from the stories in my heart.

I checked the parameters of writing Christian romance and ran into trouble right off. Heroes and heroines are required to be honest. It's all right if they tell lies before they fully embrace Christianity and even to tell the occasional white lie if there's a good enough reason.

Among other things, abuse survivors lie. Lying is a necessary survival tool.

I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at an early age, long before the abuse ended.

I was in my 40s before I realized how much I lied.

There were the every day lies that most people tell: How are you? "Fine." Not fine at all, but I wasn't willing to explain.

Then there were the lies I didn't even know I was telling: Everything from, "If I were more patient, more understanding, less judgmental, everything would be good," to "I'm stupid," "I'm useless," "I'm not lovable." Delving into those lies unearths an endless supply.

I think denial was probably the most common lie I didn't recognize.

My lying did not exclude me from growing in faith, but it was a stumbling block.

I wanted stories that reflected the journey of abuse survivors, the fight for self, the fight for the truth, the fight to be healthy. The ultimate adventure of finding healing for self and finding someone with whom to share the quest for love of self, sweetheart, and God.

I chose to write the Christian romances I wanted to read. Being Christian isn't about a life of sweetness and nice; choosing Jesus promises hope.

The weakest flame is still stronger than the dark.

Writing Sprint...

Writers In The Storm hosted a word sprint day on FB, last Monday, from 4 a.m. to midnight DST.

I've been invited to join other groups but, frankly, I was intimidated. I didn't think I could do it. This time, I figured, "Why not?" What was the worst that could happen? I'd add 20 or 30 new words. That's 20 or 30 more than I had before. Win-Win, no matter what.

I added 13,524 words, finishing Faith's Labor. It was mostly a re-write, moving the story from one document to the other by re-typing. Even so, I added several thousand new words as I edited along the way. Wow!

At the Buildin' the Dream conference, I'll be sharing some of what I learned.

http://www.buildinthedream.com/

I'm endeavoring to learn to not reward myself with food. I chose this instead:

I've mentioned before I love place settings. These were on sale, averaging less than $2 a piece.

Odd Bits...

I'm in the process of preparing for paperback Holiday, USA Anthology 2014. This book will contain all 4 novellas published last year. I prefer books in paperback. The anthology won't be published in eformat as the novellas are available individually.

I've figured out the footers, numbering pages where numbers are needed and leaving blank the pages that need to be left blank. Woohoo!

Yesterday, I planned to work on the headers. I thought I'd fiddle with the chapters as a brief distraction, making it so there weren't any extra blank pages. It ended up taking all day.

Today's plan is to work on the headers, the author name on one side and the title on the other. I may scrap it altogether, depending on what I'm able to work out.

I'm a tactile learner, so I actually have to do it. I can read about it all I want, but it won't make much sense to me. Curiously, once I've figured it out, I'm able to go back and read the directions and they make perfect sense.

Final edits are in...

Tarnished Knight and Wings to Fly are in. The first will be released on January 21, 2015. The second will be released on February 21, 2015. The paperbacks will be out a month later.

I'm sad to see the end of The Silver Locket Sisterhood series.

It's time to rethink my Holiday, USA series. I still want to write them, but clearly I need to create a better schedule.

Editing...

The most recent round of editing for "Tarnished Knight" is done. I read it aloud for the first time. Yes, it's advised a manuscript be read aloud, but I'm not comfortable. I stumble over the simple words. Having said that, I've participated in Tolkien Reading Day on a number of occasions. I read two passages from "Lord of the Rings." Namely, Frodo crossing the ford and the destruction of the Ring. I don't know why I never thought to read my own work in the same style. It was enlightening. I also trashed my voice. It's days later, and I have to remind myself my sore throat is not because I'm sick. Taking a quiet day or two or three...

I'm also working on personal edits for "Wings to Fly." The manuscript is turned in and awaiting the publisher's editor. Since I'm always finding typos, I go ahead and go through it on my own. My sister sent me her catches. She'll see stuff I don't.

Faith's Labor is on the desktop and increasing in word count. I'm thinking about participating in NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month. I'll do it on my own. Less stress.

Deadline frustrations...

Wings to Fly is due on 1 October. I think it's the most challenging of any of the books I've written. It was mostly written when I was offered the contract. As I completed the other four books in the series, I made significant discoveries in my life. I hope my writing reflects what I've learned.

When it came time to finally prepare Wings to Fly for publishing it no longer fit. I was stuck in some circular thinking I'd outgrown. I scrapped most of the book and started over. I a week to finish recreating the story that will finish The Silver Locket Sisterhood series.

I've made so many amazing discoveries about Samantha and Jordan. Their battles are more subtle than those of the heroes and heroines of the other books. They tackle the more painful walk of the follower of Christ, the everyday difficulties that trip up a Believer.

It isn't the huge things that crush but the myriad little things building up over time.

This story starts in 1987 and ends in 2001 or 2002. Yes, I'm not sure yet. I'm in rewrites and things tend to change a lot during the process as I learn more and more about the characters and their stories.

Adding to all of it, my allergies have kicked in as the weather cools. My allergy medicine makes me a bit fuzzy in my thinking. Not helpful.

I've reached the point where all I can do is turn it all over to God and pray He sees me through. I fear disappointing Him and not fulfilling my part adequately.

May your day be blessed.

"Tarnished Knight" is in...

...and will be available in January 2015.

I didn't care for the rough draft. I finished the rewrite, pleasant surprised, over and over. Jack and Abigail sprang a number of surprises.

Other surprises included discovering errors, after I sent the manuscript in. Nothing major, so far. I'm using the handy-dandy Track Changes to make corrections. My editor may catch them, but in case it slips through...

I don't really know if anyone is interested in my process. Sharing it here is helpful for me. There's something about writing it out that helps clarify what helps and what doesn't.

Then again, my brain is currently in more of a fried state than a functioning state. A little time and patience, and I'll be back in the next story, specifically, the last book in The Silver Locket Sisterhood series.

If you're interested in seeing a bit of my inspiration, this is my Pinterest board for Tarnished Knight, here's the link:
http://www.pinterest.com/lhawkes/tarnished-knight/

May you be blessed.

Attempting something different...

I'm not married, have no children, and no pets. I've held to a strict schedule and berated myself when I failed to meet eating, sleeping, exercising, and writing goals.

Over the years, I've learned that a routine is helpful in handling C-PTSD (Complex though the psychological experts are changing it to Developmental PTSD). Changing names doesn't change what I deal with every day.

I decided to try something new. I sleep when I'm tired. Interestingly enough, this keeps me from eating when I'm tired. My schedule isn't what I expected. I sleep for a few hours and then I'm awake for several hours. My favorite writing time is actually in the middle of the night. Now, I don't feel guilty about not sleeping when I "should." I sleep for a couple of hours in the late morning, a time I always had trouble using effectively anyway. Waking up and not being able to go back to sleep is no longer something to be lamented but used to accomplish my goals.

I'm working on two novels and one novella. I've accomplished more in the last week than I have in the last month. This has only been going on for a little over a week. We'll see what happens this month.

Sometimes, a little change is able to make a huge difference, but you have to be willing to make the change.

Bits and bobs about writing...

I spend a lot of time researching. It doesn't matter which series I'm working on. There's always something I need to know. Here are a few of things I've looked up lately:

Draft breeds. I needed a pair of dray horses. I looked at several and decided on the Clydesdale. They were bred in Scotland, not long before my story takes place.

Moon phases, in 1817. Yes, timeanddate.com provide the date of the new moon, first quarter, full, and third quarter.

Sunrise and sunset times, comparing winter to summer. I've learned about astronomical twilight, nautical twilight, and civil twilight. Also available at the same site, though I figured this year would be close enough.

I search maps for towns for my stories, and then look up the towns.

In the upcoming Tarnished Knight, Jack sails into Berwick-upon-Tweed. It's a walled port town in northern England, almost to the Scottish border. After visiting their webpage, I want to visit.

The problem with research: It's distracting. The next thing I know hours have passed. However, I've a much clearer picture in my head of the places my characters live.

Where do I find inspiration...

I was recently asked this question. The simple answer is "Everywhere."

Sometimes something happens to me or to someone I know. Sometimes I hear something on the radio or television or read somewhere.

No matter what the source is there is always only one question to start the story in my head: What if...

On FB, yesterday, I shared a picture of one of my sources of inspiration:

My dog. I miss her.

Rough draft for Tough Luck...

...is done. What a relief.

I confess: I used to laugh at authors who worried about being able to write another book after finishing one. I never had that problem before. The last few months have been difficult. I struggled to finish a novella. Now it's done and off to my editor. Whew.

Hopefully, this means I'm back on track. I really need to be on track. I have a brutal writing schedule mapped out for the rest of this year. My choice. I've already cut back on a lot of my writing plans. I pray I don't need to cut back any more.

Quick update on my injuries: I'm improving a little more every day. Yay!

God bless.