Happy Easter

A time of reflection and rejoicing.

Jesus lived to teach me how to live.

Jesus Christ determined I was worth dying for.

Sometimes, I'm tempted to disagree. I feel worthless. I recognize my plethora of imperfections. I cannot deny my flaws, my mistakes, my sins. I endeavor to do better and fail and fail and fail.

Sometimes, it's difficult to remember. Jesus didn't die for me for what I do right in my life. Jesus died for me for all the things wrong in my life.

Jesus conquered sin, spiritual death.

Jesus rose from the dead, conquering the final chains of physical death.

The end for which the first was made.

Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Redeemer, my Lord, and my King.

11 years later...

Eleven years ago, yesterday, the world changed...

I promised myself I would change.

I did.

I discovered my emotions and made friends with them.

I discovered the community of Lord of the Rings fans.

I discovered amazing new friends.

I discovered writing.

I discovered how difficult it was to stop lying, especially to myself.

What have I accomplished in 11 years?

God blessed me with guidance and gentle chastisement so I could recognize the lies in my life and stop lying.

God blessed me with amazing friends and a huge support system.

God blessed me with courage to pursue writing.

Peace with myself.

Abundant love.

Dreams realized.

Exploring the senses...hearing

The wind chattering in poplars is captivating to both the ear and the eye, as the leaves twist back and forth between their light and dark sides.

When I write, my preferred music is Christmas music. I know, it's a bit eccentric, but then again it shouldn't be a surprise. I love Christmas and Easter, if I prepare for them, and music is part of the preparation process for me. I've also discovered that music with a good beat is helpful. Diana Duncan, a paranormal writer, suggested turning on something with a faster beat for a half hour, turning off the internal editor, and writing, ignoring everything else. I chose my Pandora Styx station. It worked. Now, I need to learn to make it a habit.

Music  is able to lift me up or pull me down. It has inspired and left me feeling degraded. I've learned to choose carefully. Yes, there are those who would think my choice of Styx a poor one, which is their right, and for them it may be, but for me it's an energizer. I tap my foot and sometimes sing along, or even wiggle in my chair. I come away feeling uplifted.

In fact, it's how I judge most things in my life: If I come away feeling uplifted, then it's a keeper. If I come away feeling uneasy or unworthy or "less," then out it goes... whenever feasible.

Other sounds I love: I miss my dog "talking" to me. You know the sound. It isn't actual barking. I also miss my horse "talking" to me. It isn't a neigh, but a series of vocalizations, and my horse had this gorgeous baritone... I figured if I ever met anyone who talked like my horse I'd marry him. I'm still single. :-D

Birds, streams, a mud pot, rain, ocean lapping at the shore, a friend's voice, a baby laughing...

A little extra: Anne Patrick's newest release is out, today. She's on my must-read list. This is her website:

http://suspensebyanne.blogspot.com/2012/05/trespasses-wounded-heroes-series-book.html

And this is an interesting interview with her over at A Pen For Your Thoughts.
http://apenforyourthoughts.blogspot.com/

Anne asked: What book have you read that you wish you wrote? Or non authors, what book have you read that touched you the most?

My answers:
I haven't wished I'd written another writer's book, but I do wish I'd pull myself together enough to write everything in my head. :-)

The fictional book that has touched me the most would have to be Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. With my BFF, I re-wrote the end for a HEA for Frodo, which landed me on the path of writing my own stories.

Moving on...

I hate adding a new entry because it moves Jimmy down the page.

This blog, by Toni Noel, features excerpts from three of her books, and there are covers with Jimmy. :-) http://www.deepintheheartromance.com/search/label/Toni%20Noel I now have three more books on my wish list.

Vijaya Schartz shares her experience at The Chocolate Affaire: http://romancingscifi.blogspot.com/

I needed a little peace in the day, and Nan offered it at her blog: http://morningglorylights.blogspot.com/

Editing has started for Luck In Love. There is nothing quite like waking up knowing how the beginning needs to be changed, and it's so much better than what's currently written.

Mark, of Mark's Grace has decided he and Jimmy have a lot in common. It's always easier to write a character if they are pictured clearly in your head.

I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents what I'm doing. Long story. Someday, I'll tell it, but not today.

Back to work.

Merry Christmas...

The reason for the season:

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. ~ Isaiah 9:6

Luke 2

1And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

Day Seventeen of NaNoWriMo...

1989 total ~ 29629 Each section of writing starts out like pulling teeth, painful, slow, unsure. Then some bit reveals itself, and it's like being shot out of a cannon, at least what I imagine it might be like to be shot out of cannon. Not on my bucket list, by the way. It's so amazing to watch a story unfold. Sometimes you know what's coming next, but a lot of times you don't. You're writing, and all of a sudden thinking, "Wow! I had no idea!" Or "I didn't know that about the hero/heroine!" It's difficult to describe what it's like to watch your characters struggle, and then they catch on for a moment. In time for another aspect of the trouble to unveil itself, and they must take what they've learned to tackle this new difficulty, which will help them continue to grow, until they reach the moment when they're both in the same spot at the perfect time. God has been leading me along for a very long time. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know God holds it in His capable hands. With all my heart, I believe He set me on the path I'm now traveling, and I have reached that moment when I feel confident enough in Him and myself to expect Him to protect me. Not in the way many people think, expecting Him to smooth the way and make everything better. No, God's way is not the easy way. I expect God to lift me when I fear and tremble, to help my unbelief. I trust that He will give what is needed, not what I demand, but that does not bar me from asking, remembering to add "Thy will not mine." I know His way is the only way to true peace and happiness, no matter it will be paved with tears and pain, but it is only for a little while. And He is there to weep with me. He will not abandon me, ever. I may turn my back from time to time in a childish snit, but He is always right there, waiting for me to turn back and reach for His outstretched hand, a hand that is scarred with His everlasting love for me.

A bit muddled...

There are days, and this is one of them. I spent most of my writing time working on clearing up details, and expanding what it already there. There is a scene coming, and I haven't decided how it fits in, yet.

The projects continues.

Again -- it seems every day -- I wonder what I'm thinking, and then I begin writing, and peace envelops me. All is in God's hands.

A good day...

I worked on The Project, for a while. Thanks to my reader's help, some excellent editing has been done of book 2. I also added to book 3. I'd worried a bit, because my brain is still only partly engaged... hmmm... I made bread, today. I don't know what it is about baking, but it helps me with my writing. Both are gifts from God. I would not have survived my life without God. The gifts remind me of God's goodness and awareness of me. He thought me good enough to entrust me with abilities that are suited to me. Making bread feeds the body. Writing feeds my soul. Both help me not simply survive but thrive.

9/11 ~ Remember Always

Never forget.

My heart whispers that God sent angels. The God who is aware of a single fallen sparrow did not abandon His children in their hour, their moment of need. Jesus, who endured Gethsemane, the betrayal of his friends, the mock trial, the lashing, the crown of thorns, and the Cross on Calvary, suffering and dieing for the sins of the World, understands injustice, cruelty, being alone, to a depth we will never comprehend. He loved us so much He was willing to go through it all, even if it had only been required for one soul. He endured for all. No matter how alone we feel, God weeps with us, as only a Loving Father could. He understands perfectly. The purpose of life isn't to avoid pain, but to grow through the pain, closer to God, closer to the light He intends us to be to the world, living light, shining with His Love for the World.

So many souls went Home to God, and so many more have been required to continue on in this life without those precious ones. And despite the horrible evil that occurred, so many people chose good, chose courage, chose strength, chose compassion, chose love. So many people chose to be a light of hope in the darkness. Darkness does not extinguish light; light pushes away the darkness. In a darkened room, with a single candle, the only way to extinguish the light is to blow out the candle. The dark cannot overcome the light, unless we allow the light to be put out.

I choose the Light.

I choose to remember the brave men and women and children of 9/11.

I choose to honor the memory of all those who have lived and those who died endeavoring to do what's right and good.

I choose to be a better person because I know the stories of brave souls I have never met.

I will never forget.

Good work done...

Another 10 pages edited, and over 1,400 words added to the current WIP. Homework done. The Project taking shape. Thank you, God, for a bit of inspiration. Only God would nudge my mind with the realization that my completed manuscript was missing a detail, and where it belonged. Done. God also blessed me with wonderful friends who lift me up, encourage me, and strengthen my faith in God's loving plan for me.

Jumping back in...

I'm working on The Project, and I'm working on the re-write of what I have of the WIP. Interesting to me is that I have a much deeper sense of it being "right." The characters feel more real and settled. The things that need to be filled in seem clearer. So far, I'm able to edit about 14 pages in a day. I think that will improve as I become more comfortable with the process. I took years with the last manuscript, and this one I'm trying to finish in four months. We'll see how I do. I feel blessed. Each and every time I find myself worrying about my life and where it's going, I begin writing, and the fears fall away. My life is in God's hands, and He is mindful of me. I suppose tackling my writing is sort of like telling the mountain to move, and then it does, one word at a time.

Feeling a little like Peter...

Last January, I began wondering if my job was going away. Losing my job has been a constant worry, for me. In February, my main client laid me off. I wasn't devastated. It was Jesus on the storm-tossed Sea of Galilee, beckoning me to come to Him. I stepped out boldly, trusting that Jesus would not ask me to do anything I could not feasibly do, even if I did it badly and even if I failed in the attempt. He asked me to take the step, and I took it. Last June, I sent in my query, and when the mail came, today, still with no reply, I began to wonder: What if it was lost in the mail, on the way there? What if it was lost in the shuffle on someone's desk? What if it was lost in the mail coming back? A viable possibility considering the fact that I had received in the mail, last Saturday, a letter I was supposed to have received more than a week before. As my worries circled and spiraled, a gentle prompting so clear and so strong it felt like it had been spoken in my heart: Are you going to trust Me, or not? As simple as that. So, I put my worries away, and say, "Yes, Jesus, I trust You. Wherever You lead, I will follow, no matter how much I stumble and fall along the way. I will always rise and follow."

Move along...

I've completed over 50,000 words of the current WIP. I'm breathing a bit easier. One-third left to go. I'm so grateful to God for His love and patience. He eases my fears and worries with peace and inspiration, and remarkable friends. I am blessed.

When I wonder if my life is of value, God reminds me that it is. Jesus Christ died for me. I have not been asked to give my life, rather I am asked to LIVE my life. I fear I may be a poor example of a Believer, but I'll never stop trying.

Still moving foward...

Today, I added another 1,000+ words. This time it wasn't a single scene but fleshing out several scenes. Some were picking the right words, and some were sketching a general idea for fleshing out later. Again and again, I wonder if I'm crazy, and then I start writing and everything in my heart settles.

"Step into the darkness, in faith. God loves you."

And so it continues...

Another 1,000 words; half way for the minimum number of words, but I know myself well enough to anticipate exceeding the minimum by the time I'm finished. I'm still working scene by scene from the end to the beginning. I don't know why I find this less stressful and far less troublesome, but I do. The Project's new chapter has been shared with three of my five readers. I hope to have The Project finished by the end of the summer.

Worrying with faith...

I worked on my budget, today. Like many people, right now, I'm struggling. My main source of income laid me off, at the beginning of the year. I decided to put my faith in God and pursue what I believed He had laid on my heart. It's been six months. I wonder if I've missed opportunities, because I've turned down a couple of potential offers, though none of them were sure. I felt I should focus on my writing. It seemed the timing was perfect. My savings is dwindling, slowly but surely, so I asked God for a breadcrumb as I drove home from dropping off work, with no work to pick up, today. It isn't that I don't trust God, I do. However, I'm not as good at trusting myself. In truth, I prayed for God strength my weakness, to help my unbelief. My blog hasn't been accessible since last night, so I thought I'd check again. Here it is, and this quote appeared in one of my widgets: "Rejoice at your weakness. When you are weak I am strong. Strong to help, to cure, to protect." --Two Listeners

Thanks God for yet another breadcrumb.

Missed the goal, today...

...but not unhappy about it. I only added 100 words or so. However, I re-arranged sections that no longer fit where they were. I also added a character who had been missing, not intentionally, but simply overlooked, and necessary. Every English manor needs a butler. Clearly, this one doesn't play a huge role, but it would be noticed if he weren't there. Now, he is. I also shuffled some maids, and their roles in the house. The changes smooth out some rough edges, and answer some questions. I will add more, tomorrow. With neatening up those few details, more of the story is surfacing. It's amazing. I feel so blessed. Thanks God. And The Project is off to another reader.

God is always right...

"God may not come when you call, but when He does come, He's never late."

When I decided to submit my novel to the Mentor Program I was nervous. I knew the Desert Rose meeting was the last Tuesday. I wanted to be ready. I was, pretty much. I talked to Laurie, who was very helpful. I decided I'd turn it in by Friday. Wednesday morning, I woke up with a bee in my bonnet, and simply had to turn it in that day. By Wednesday evening, it was done. On Thursday, it was discovered that somehow the attachments hadn't made it. So I sent them again. On Friday, Laurie kindly informed me that I'd gone overboard on the synopsis. Instead of a synopsis, I'd submitted a novella. I re-wrote, and re-submitted. Friday. And it's done, really done, exactly like that first impression. Had I waited until Friday, It would have been next week before it was all straightened out. Whoohoo!! I listened and obeyed. I'm feeling much calmer about it all. The fun part was rereading some of the story, and finding there are parts that made me laugh out loud. With that comes the little thought, "Did I really write that?" Yep. I did it. I'm a writer. I really am.

Oh! I also worked on the next book, tweaking the first two chapters, working on the third, and starting the synopsis. I'm actually finding the synopsis is very helpful, at least the novella ones are because they cut out the cute, fun, catch-your-attention stuff and focus on the plot.

Chapter three...

...is started but not finished. I wrote a completely new opening scene. It's going to change coming chapters as well, but it was necessary. It was taking much too long for the hero and heroine to meet. It's still probably longer than most would like, but it's much shorter than originally written. So chapter three is only half done. I'm not discouraged because I'm very pleased with the new material.

I struggle with my trust in God and His plan for me, but only when I'm not writing. Once I start writing, peace sweeps over me, and more and more often I find myself feeling joy. My prayer is that my love for God is evident in my writing, so that others feel that love as well. No matter how bad things are, God is there. We are not alone.

UPDATE: I couldn't resist. I've finished chapter three, along with the synopsis.