Happy Christmas

Luke 2:1,4-14 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. 

What Child is This by Clamavi De Profundis https://youtu.be/vx-ffIBm_CU?si=BpixVVMB7ZMWILwl

Happy Christmas Eve

Matthew 1:18-25 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.

 

Good Friday

How could this be? Lord and Master brought before "justice." He seeks not justice but forgiveness for those who wrongfully torture Him. He could wipe them all out with a word. He is silent. He could rise Himself to King and rule over all. He allows unworthy others to lord over Him. Instead of being treated like the royalty He is, He is scourged as a common criminal. He could heal them all if they but believe, but they wound Him. Even the earth objects to the injustice. It is over.

Christmas Eve

Luke 2:7-19

7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

And a bonus link for Christmas, from Seeking Divine Perspective, yes, this:

https://seekingdivineperspective.com/2024/12/13/perspective-the-nativity-as-spiritual-warfare-2/

 

Tuesday Toss Up

 

Tuesday Tidbit

The world is in an uproar, panicking, losing its head.

Some perspective, in America:

More people have died from suicide.

More people have died from drug overdoses.

More people have died in car accidents.

This isn't to mitigate the very real health risks, especially to those vulnerable. I list those things to remind myself that life holds no guarantees. For the family who lost a member to a drug overdose or suicide or accident or other disease or a tornado or other disaster, the current health crisis is no worse. Perspective.

I've often said that I live in fear. I hate that about myself. This gave me an opportunity for introspection with new input. I'm not afraid.

Yes, it's close to home. I have family in Hong Kong. I have family with weakened immune systems, including me. I have numerous family members in the "red zone" population, including my father who's over 90.

I'm not so foolish as to believe bad things couldn't happen to me. I know better, compliments of brutal lessons. That saying about "stop worrying because most of the things you worry about will never happen," is not true for me. I don't worry about the things that probably won't happen; I worry about bad things that have happened happening again.

I examine my life and remember going to work in Yellowstone alone. It was great. I went on a mission to Thailand. It separated my life: Before my mission and after my mission.

Then I had the opportunity to go to Europe, alone. This was a life-changing milestone for me.

A few days before I flew to England, the USA bombed Libya. I had a choice to make: Do I stay or do I go? I chose to go.

I prayed and boarded the flight to JFK. An airport employee gathered those deplaning from different flights and guided us to the international terminal, little ducklings following their mother outside, across a road, into another building, where she left us to fend for ourselves. I found my connecting flight to Heathrow.

Boarding the TWA flight, the flight attendants were on strike, so flight attendants from other airline companies were filling in. They were pretty laid back. We were on a jumbo jet, all 13 passengers. The flight attendants suggested we sit in the middle section. "You can each have your own row of seats and will still have rows leftover." One attendant knelt in a seat up front and said, "I know why I'm here, but why are you flying?"

Several couples were English and returning home. One woman, with her children, was traveling to Germany to join her military husband. Then they came to me.

"This may be my only chance to go. If it's my time to die, I'll die no matter where I am. I might as well be doing what I want to do."

I booked a bus tour to Scotland. It was unforgettable.

And Chernobyl blew. I watched the projected radiation cloud float over France. France was so close. I realized how silly it was to be so close and not go, so I made plans. I went.

I've never regretted any of it. Not a minute.

Coming home, life changed. I settled down. Working for the airline, I'd visit San Diego for the day. Okay, I'd fly to San Diego, take the bus, with one change, and spend the day in Sea World. I drove to Yellowstone, twice, with my dog. I told her we couldn't do it a third time, unless she helped me drive. That was out, so we took shorter trips, the two of us.

Life changed again. My college education cost more than it paid. I spent the last of my savings on medical transcribing classes, via the mail. It was steady work.

I acquired a horse. He lived for five years, under my care, five years longer than expected. What an adventure.

Life changed again. 9/11 happened and "Lord of the Rings" came out. I discovered the internet and the LOTR Fan Club. I made friends.

When the second movie, "The Two Towers," was set to release, Howard Shore, the man who wrote the movie score, gave a lecture in L.A. The lecture would be followed by the premier showing of the movie. I expressed my interest in attending. One of my online friends suggested I fly on over. I did. Someone I'd never met before picked me up at the airport. Funnily enough, we recognized each other immediately. We've been dear friends ever since. For several years, I'd fly over for a weekend about twice a year, for LOTR related events, like reading day and even the LOTR Symphony concert. It was during those visits when I learned to love the ocean.

I've flown to Texas, with another LOTR friend from Oregon. She met me, for the first time, in Phoenix, for her connecting flight. We shared a cabin and enjoyed the company of other LOTR friends, we'd never met before.

My trips to Kentucky are with more LOTR friends that I met first online.

My trip to Atlanta included a visit with friends not related to LOTR that I've met online.

Then there's the whole being a published author thing.

Fear may play a daily role in my life (a larger role than I would prefer), but it doesn't control my life. I made that decision a long time ago. I try to not do anything too stupid. I thought I allowed fear to make my decisions for me, but all I have to do is take an honest look at my life. I have made some fear-based decisions. I'm not perfect. I've made a lot of good -- awesome -- decisions in spite of the fear.

I've worked hard, all my life, to not allow fear to control me. I'm not changing that now. Life happens. I'm going to keep working to live happy and involved in the world.

I can't choose what happens to me in this world. God has given me the power to choose how I respond to whatever happens to me.

I will not live in fear.

Favorite Book Friday

"When God Doesn't Fix It" by Laura Story

What God Wants Me To Be...

This, in general, will not be new to people who know me. There may be new details but not much else. What was new to me was the bone-deep realization.

I hate it when I wake up at 1 a.m. with a massive realization, a hit the wall, epic fail, stop you in your tracks realization.

This all started because Holley Gerth in You're Already Amazing and Evan Sanders of The Better Man Project both challenged me to discover what I'm drawn to and in the end who I'm supposed to be. I've been pondering what God wants me to be. I thought I knew. I've felt like I've fallen short or missed the mark or something. I feel like I've been wandering in the dark with only flashes of enlightenment. I hit the wall. I was wrong for all my life.

Last week, I woke up on Wednesday morning, at 1 a.m. and it hit me:

I believed God wanted me to be a wife and mother. I believed with all my heart.

It's something I believed my whole life. I geared everything toward that end. I didn't give in to my boyfriends pushing to go further. With each one, we were already going further than I wanted, but I didn't know how to say 'no' without risking losing him. Except I managed to say 'no' to giving him the one thing I believed deeply only my husband should have. A couple of my boyfriends even proposed. I said, 'yes' to one. No one knew. We kept it secret. I still wouldn't give him what only a husband should have. He got cold feet temporarily, recovered, and I got cold feet permanently. I couldn't give to anyone else what I thought belonged only to the man I married because God wanted me to be a wife and mother, in that order, not the other way around.

My parents wanted me to go into engineering because that's where the money is. It set me up to fail on an epic scale. I don't just turn numbers around. I turn 6 and 9 upside down. I will say the number out loud while I write it and still write a completely different number. It's bad enough when only a single digit is involved. Do that when writing out a four or five digit number. I don't simply switch the digits; I write completely different numbers. I have to remind myself that 3 and cursive E go in opposite directions, while 5 and s really do turn the same way and the same with 2 and z. I have to remind myself that the cursive Z and 2 look similar but 2 really doesn't have a tail on it. And this is the child who wasn't given any choice but to enroll in college as an engineering major.

I found my backbone, a little bit, and changed it to home economics, but was met with opposition, so I changed it to computer engineering. I proceeded to take classes from every department at the college except automotive and art, only because it didn't occur to me to take an automotive class, and I didn't want to sketch naked people and that was a part of Art 101. I did learn to change oil, filters, windshield wipers, and tires. I also took a calligraphy class from Parks and Rec. I considered cooking and sewing to be my art. I wanted to be well rounded because I was going to be a wife and mother. I wanted to be able to encourage my children in whatever they wanted to pursue.

Over the years, I took classes in finances, accounting, psychology, sociology, English, French, Spanish, chemistry, college algebra, typing, gourmet cooking, sewing, real estate, ice skating, yoga, communication, and a variety of others. During that time, I also worked in Yellowstone for a summer, served a mission in Thailand, lived in Europe for a summer, worked at a variety of jobs, including for the airlines. By the time I graduated with my two-year degree, I was in my 30s, and I'd acquired several certificates of completion in other programs like travel agency and sign language interpreter. If I could have graduated on credit hours, I would have had a Bachelors. However, they weren't all in one program, so it was only a two-year degree.

All of it, every last thing was done with the thought in mind that I wanted to be a well-rounded wife and mother. I wanted to give to my husband and children someone who was willing to learn almost anything to become a better person, to bring as much as I could to the table to make life richer, fuller, happier.

I'm over 50 now. There is no husband. No children. All I ever wanted or dreamed about. And I wonder what God intended me to be, and how did I miss hearing the message because it wasn't what I wanted, to be a wife and mother.

I don't have enough skills in any one area to support myself in a gainful profession. It's my own fault because I focused my attention on the dream of being a good wife and mother someday instead of figuring out a way to support myself.

I'm also ashamed to say that to me they were mutually exclusive. I wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. I also feared I'd miss the opportunity if I became involved in a career. I'm single-minded as a way of battling OCD and other problems with being easily distracted. I know this about myself. I understood choosing one would exclude the other in my mind. I pursued what I wanted most.

Only in the last few years have I discovered I'm also a storyteller. I have been all my life. It's really all I know.

So, if you wonder why I write romance, it's what I know.

Worth Dying For...

Jesus died for me.

I've said this all my life. I believe it, mostly.

As a survivor, I deal with things like C-PTSD, health problems, mental and emotional messes, but the struggle I worry about most is my spiritual health. The others are all survivable. Losing my spiritual health isn't.

Jesus died for everyone. He didn't make any exceptions. He never said, "I died for everyone, except Laurel." Never. He offers the gift freely to everyone, including me.

Not everyone will accept the gift. Their choice. They were given that, too. The right to choose.

Many have died for their faith. Now, in the Middle East, Christians are being crucified, beheaded, sold into slavery, because they refuse to renounce their faith.

I ask myself if I would be so brave, so steadfast. I want to believe I am. It has not been required of me.

What has been required of me is to live for my faith.

Am I willing to live for my faith?

I look at the scale and see the weight climb. Am I living for my faith?

I'm ashamed to admit I'm allowing the stress and other temporary problems in my life to reign over me, to hold more importance than my desire to live for Jesus.

I have moments, of course, when I allow my light to shine, when I choose Jesus over my weaknesses.

I'm an imperfect Christian.

I'm learning to live for Jesus. I make mistakes, and yes, Jesus gave me the gift of forgiveness, too. My Savior paved the way for me, taught the path to choose, and led by example. He provided the way to change my life, if I'll only follow.

I'm recommitting to not only being willing to die for Jesus but willingly living for Jesus.

The dawning of a new day.

Links to Share...

I follow Hope for the Broken Hearted on FB. I also receive her emails, which comprise a beautiful picture and a prayer. This is one:
https://hopeforthebrokenhearted.wordpress.com/2015/05/21/prayer-for-may-21st-2/

The Writer's Refuge offers the perfect essay on the power of the opening paragraph:
https://thewritersrefuge.wordpress.com/2015/05/23/writing-a-powerful-opening-paragraph/

Beth Trissel shared her perspective on authors:
https://bethtrissel.wordpress.com/2015/05/25/not-cool-but-definitely-qualify-as-quirky/

Patricia Johns shared an insightful post on seeds:
http://patriciajohnsromance.com/2015/05/27/all-shall-be-well/

God bless.

Life and Death...

Palm Sunday.

Did you know that donkeys were a symbol of peace? Did you know that donkeys are smart and fierce? I recently read an article that explained why a donkey appears stubborn. The little critters like to think things through and decide if what you're asking is reasonable. There's a reason the rides into the Grand Canyon are on mules, a cross between a horse and a donkey. A horse will walk off the trail if you push it. A mule won't. A donkey is also often used as a guard dog for sheep. They will assess the danger and attack, if necessary.

I was often called stubborn as a mule. Thanks for the compliment.

Nothing is coincidence with God.

Friday's coming, but so is Sunday.

Jesus knew what was coming. He knew it would be painful and nearly unbearable. He didn't waver.

As a Christian, I should stubbornly follow Christ.

If I'm truly Christian, then I believe it is my responsibility to follow Jesus. I know He won't lead me astray. And yet, how often do I procrastinate or shy away when I know something will be difficult? Too often.

If I truly believe Jesus walks with me when I choose to walk in His way, then my faith demands I step forward boldly. I'm human. I fear making mistakes. Kind of silly. I'm human. I WILL make mistakes. God knew I would.

The Father allowed the sacrifice of His Beloved Son, and His Beloved Son volunteered because it was the only way to bring me Home. Jesus volunteered and persevered through to the end, including the Resurrection not because He was forced to do it but because He loves each of us THAT much.

May your day be blessed.

9/11 Never Forget...

The world changed 13 years ago. I chose to change with it. I became more aware of the world around me. I endeavored to be more engaged with those around me. I tend to change slowly, a bit at a time, but I promised myself I'd never go back to being the detached person I'd been for so long.

I also promised myself I'd never forget that day. I'd never forget what happened, moment to moment. I'd never forget how I felt. I'd never forget those who were lost or their families, even though I didn't know them. I'd never forget those who fought and died in the battle against terrorists, evil men who choose to murder innocent men, women, and children.

I renewed my relationship with God. I needed to know God was in control. I needed to remember He could and would work evil for good. He doesn't change evil into good; He takes whatever evil dishes out and uses it to His own end. Evil loses in the long run, and God wins.

There is much over which I have no control.

I choose whether or not I become a better person.

I choose to be a better person.

I trust Jesus.

Happy Easter

A time of reflection and rejoicing.

Jesus lived to teach me how to live.

Jesus Christ determined I was worth dying for.

Sometimes, I'm tempted to disagree. I feel worthless. I recognize my plethora of imperfections. I cannot deny my flaws, my mistakes, my sins. I endeavor to do better and fail and fail and fail.

Sometimes, it's difficult to remember. Jesus didn't die for me for what I do right in my life. Jesus died for me for all the things wrong in my life.

Jesus conquered sin, spiritual death.

Jesus rose from the dead, conquering the final chains of physical death.

The end for which the first was made.

Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Redeemer, my Lord, and my King.

In the throes of writing and editing...

Jacaranda blossoms from last year. Spring is coming. Something peaceful and inspirational...

Mixed feelings...

Part of me rejoices and fearfully trembles as I step onto this path I've chosen to accept is laid for me. I believe it is God inspired. I'll follow it wherever it leads, checking in with God on a regular basis, all day long every day.

Part of me struggles to rejoice in light of the tragedy at the DC Navy Yard. I pray for the victims' families. My heart tells me the victims are safely in God's hands.

There are only two choices: Trust God or not.

I choose to trust God. It isn't always easy. God is strong enough for me to lean harder.

I may ask, "Why?" if my purpose is to seek understanding not change God's will. There are some things that cannot be understood without accepting evil exists in this world.

My comfort is in knowing God is in control.

I derive great comfort from my sister's question: If God heals us the moment He touches us, does it really matter if we are broken? The brokenness is only a small moment in the Eternities. Perhaps the most difficult thing of all is hanging on when all appears lost and accepting that God's plan to save frequently does not come easy or swift or in a way we expect.

Building trust is like building any other muscle; you must tear it down a little in order for it to come back stronger. Keeping holding to trust in God. He is ever faithful.

I belong to God...

I have a negative tape in my head.

"I'm stupid. I'm ugly. I can't do anything right. I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, good enough. I'm bad. I'm worthless."

It's a lie.

It turns on when I'm tired, when I've made a mistake, when I'm discouraged. Over the years, it has grown in length and intensity.

A few years ago, the Lord blessed me with some amazing friends who helped me stop lying about a lot of things.

But the tape didn't go away.

One of those friends shared the story of her Bible study group when they read Malachi 3:3 "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

What did it mean?

One of the women volunteered to visit a silversmith.

He explained he must heat the silver in the hottest part of the fire in order to burn off the impurities. However, if left too long, the silver would be destroyed. He must watch it every moment.

How did he know when it was ready?

"Oh, that's easy - when I can see my image in it."

God places us in the hottest part of the fire to remove the impurities. He never looks away. Granted, he knows we are able to endure a great deal more than we think we can. Even so, He is there every moment, watching, waiting. He will not hold us in the fire longer than necessary. He knows we're ready when He is able to see His image in us.

This impacted me. I made many changes in my life.

The concept birthed the idea for The Silver Locket Sisterhood series. When Luck in Love was published, two of my friends gave me my own silver locket. There is a picture of me on one side and Jesus on the other to remind me I belong to Him.

At a writer's conference, (I'm sorry I don't remember who said it or it may have been a note to myself) I penned a note: They (characters) have to be willing to burn who they are in order to become who they want to be.

Was I willing?

The tape didn't go away. I've tried everything to turn it off. Prayer, scripture reading, singing my favorite hymn. Nothing worked. In fact, the tape grew louder.

I grew tired. I quit fighting. I let the tape play. It was familiar and strangely comforting, unlike the new creature I wanted to become. I didn't even know what she was supposed to look like.

Being a bit snarky, I egged the tape on.

"Is that all you've got? Can't you come up with anything else? You've plenty of practice and material, surely you can come up with worse things. You can do better."

The tape was increasingly boring, but it didn't go away.

Writers create "elevator pitches," something to tell a publisher or editor when you manage to catch a couple minutes of their time, or thirty seconds. I never developed the pitch because I sold the series without it. However, I needed something for marketing, business cards, etc.

A friend of mine loves yoga and shared an article about mantras.

Yeah, I had one of those. My tape put me to sleep at night. It was pretty long.

There was the first problem. Mantras are meant to be short, almost boring. Interesting enough to help you focus, but not so interesting it diverts your attention. It's purpose is to bring you back to center.

What was the essence of The Silver Locket Sisterhood series?

I belong to God. I am God's.

Would it work?

"You're ugly."

"Yes, but I belong to God."

"You're stupid."

"Yes, but I belong to God."

"You'll never be good enough. God couldn't want you."

"I am still God's. Should He decide to cast me off, it is His prerogative because I belong to Him to do with as He will. I belong to God."

The Savior bought me with His blood, not only on the cross but in Gethsemane, through the flogging, with the crown of thorns. He paid for me, in full. I am His.

There is no debate. It's done. Finished.

There is nothing we can do that is so horrible we can't turn back to God.

The only question is do I accept Him or turn away?

He never turns away. He is always there, beckoning, His hand stretched out, the hand where He carved His love for us.

If I turn away, I may turn back, and He is there, waiting.

The choice is mine.

He paid the price for each and every one of us.

I belong to God.

I am God's.

Hope...

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.

Today, I'm taking some time to reflect on the past year, and consider what the new year means to me...

11 years later...

Eleven years ago, yesterday, the world changed...

I promised myself I would change.

I did.

I discovered my emotions and made friends with them.

I discovered the community of Lord of the Rings fans.

I discovered amazing new friends.

I discovered writing.

I discovered how difficult it was to stop lying, especially to myself.

What have I accomplished in 11 years?

God blessed me with guidance and gentle chastisement so I could recognize the lies in my life and stop lying.

God blessed me with amazing friends and a huge support system.

God blessed me with courage to pursue writing.

Peace with myself.

Abundant love.

Dreams realized.

It's Friday...

Ladyhawke is the first time I saw a Friesian, and I fell for Goliath. God blessed me with a gray Arab/Appaloosa. I'm not complaining, because I'd never really believed I'd own a horse. So many dreams in my life had been shattered by the time he showed up. I figured it was God reminding me to never stop dreaming because sometimes they do come true in the most unexpected ways.

We were together five years. I learned a lot from him. He's been gone ten years now, and I still cry for missing him.

Growing up I always wanted to go horseback riding. When I found myself with a horse with back problems, I discovered what mattered most: I was honored he gifted me with his trust, and simply being with him was more than enough.

Winston Churchill rightly said, "There's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man."

I found this Friesian on a free-photo site, which I hope was legitimate. It's a crazy world we live in.

Enjoy the day.

Time to reflect...

There are several things going on in my life right now.

I'm about to have my first book published. Whoohoo! Exciting and scary.

I want to become physically healthier. This requires I lose more weight. I'm not an advocate of extreme anything. I'm not comfortable at my current weight. I dislike struggling with things like bending over to tie my shoes. I want to be healthy.

In order to lose weight, I have to change the way I think about my eating habits. The rules for losing weight - eat less and exercise more - are clear in my mind. Being allergic to bran requires I adapt my eating. What everyone else considers healthy isn't for me, like whole grains.

Using my food allergies as an excuse for not becoming healthy is no longer acceptable. I may have been born this way, but God has a way for me to work within the natural laws to become my best self. Hopefully, I've reached the point where I'll no longer stand in my own way.

The new adventure starts today.

"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself" - Jim Rohn