The Mirror

One of my gifts to myself this year is to “Ignore the Mirror.” Sounded like a good idea at the time.

Actually, for me, it’s a really good idea. I don’t like seeing the acne scars. I don’t like seeing the excess weight. I’m not a particularly stylish dresser, though I used to tease my friend Flo (too long gone from this world) about being a clothes horse. She dressed well. I blessedly ended up with her coat, which still keeps me warm in the winter, and some other clothes. I can’t wear them because I’m too heavy.

And we’re back to despising the mirror. I need to stop. It isn’t worth the energy.

What do I want?

I want less awareness of my appearance, in particularly my flaws. I’m not blind, but I give it far too much attention.

The purpose of a mirror is to make sure everything is in order, nothing showing that shouldn’t be showing, everything hanging right, stuff goes together in a flattering manner, hopefully. The makeup and hair are neat. End of purpose.

What a mirror is not for: Noting flaws. The only flaws that are truly worth noting are the ones on the inside that need to change. Judging beauty. If you’re ugly on the inside, it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. Determining worth. The mirror only reflects what it sees.

The mirror feels nothing, knows nothing, intuits nothing. It’s a reflecting surface.

It is the person standing in front of the mirror that assigns value or the lack of it.

What do I want to see?

I want to see a beloved daughter of God.

I want to see a body God gave me to help me accomplish everything He wants me to accomplish. A body worth caring for.

I want to see my beautiful eyes and not hear the words said to me to explain why I was abused as a child: “You have bedroom eyes.”

I want to see the light inside me, the one God expects me to share with the world.

How am I going to go about this?

First, it’s going to take practice with my self talk.

Second, losing weight will allow me to wear clothes I like that I already own.

Third, I will remember that the mirror is not my enemy. Neither is it my friend. It’s neither right nor wrong. The mirror doesn’t care.

Fourth, the mirror is a tool for fine-tuning, not a source of punishment.

Fifth, I decide how I feel about myself, and it has nothing to do with a mirror.