4 of 25 Things

Original post from The Mighty:
https://themighty.com/2017/06/childhood-emotional-abuse-adult-habits/

4. "I always feel like I am doing everything wrong... It's very hard to convince me I am good at something."

My sister combined 4 and 5. This is her response:
https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2017/06/27/always-messing-up/

My response:

It was difficult to believe I did anything right when I was corrected, even when I did things right. I could always do it faster, more efficiently, better. When the rules are constantly changed, it is impossible to meet expectations.

However, this feeling isn't entire about doing something wrong or right. It reaches much deeper. This is about self-worth. When you have no self-worth, you don't believe you can do anything right. When you have no self-worth, it's difficult to believe you're good.

How did I change it?

It started with believing that Jesus loves me, no matter what. He doesn't love sin, but He loves me. He loves me so much He willingly suffered Gethsemane, a mock trial, flogging, beating, a crown of thorns, and death on a cross for me, to save me. It starts there.

I learned to give myself little successes, acknowledging when I did something right. It also meant accepting responsibility when I did something wrong and working to change. Not the way I'd been taught, where I was to be miserable. To make the change, wholeheartedly, and move forward a new person, leaving behind the self-recrimination that accomplished nothing but making me miserable.

The battle is real, but I'm learning to not let imperfections steal my joy. There's a big difference between wrong and different. Right and wrong do exist, but too often someone pretends their opinion determines which is which. I had to learn for myself the difference.

Another necessary change was learning to trust myself. Again, I started with little things. Success brings self-respect. Acknowledging an error and correcting where possible also brings self-respect. It isn't about trusting myself to always be right. I won't. I make mistakes. Trusting myself is about knowing I'm always doing my best, I'm always working to learn to be better, I will never give up.