21 of 25 Things

As I started my journey working through these, it was to clarify to myself what I went through. However, as I've worked, I've discovered a deeper reason for exploring each "Thing." Each of the 25 Things applied to me. I also realize that I've worked through some. They are no longer a problem. I've made progress on all of them. This is an opportunity to look back and see how far I've come. It's important to do that, once in a while.

Original post from The Mighty:
https://themighty.com/2017/06/childhood-emotional-abuse-adult-habits/

21. “I have major issues with anxiety and depression because of my childhood. The biggest factor is I cannot communicate well and I don’t know how to express my feelings with others because I am so used to just holding them inside because I wasn’t allowed to share how I felt. When tense situations arise, I get nauseous and uncomfortable, [and] my anxiety levels sky rocket. Definitely have a lot of emotional scars from my past, it’s been the hardest thing to conquer.”

My sister's response:
https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/2017/07/26/depression-and-childhood/

My response:

Emotions are complicated critters. They don't last. They change. They lie. Dealing with emotions requires honest self-examination.

I shocked my second counselor when I told her about an episode when my anger exploded. I told her I stopped and asked myself what was the real problem. I realized I was feeling hurt. She gaped at me. "What?" "Do you always do that?" "What?" "Self-examine and evaluate." I was baffled by her question. "How else am I going to change? Doesn't everyone?" "No. Most people don't."

Learn to self-examine and evaluate. It takes admitting a change needs to be made, learning what change needs to be made, and it takes practice.

I often feel fear first. I discovered that I prefer anger to fear. I shifted from fear to anger so quickly I didn't even register the fear. Once I identify the base emotion, it is easier to make changes, to respond in a healthier manner. You can't tackle a problem you are unwilling to acknowledge.

In learning to manage my anger, I also learned to manage my anxiety. Stop. Focus. Breathe. Slow my thinking until I'm able to reason without the flood of emotions. I can't express my feelings to others until I'm able to express them to myself.

While the response of the person above was nausea, I'm frustrated when I'm overwhelmed and my mind goes blank, totally and completely blank. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Someone will ask me a question, and I am unable to respond. There are no words in my head. There's nothing. I freeze. Then the old habit of saying what I think they want to hear kicks in. Only way I know to break the habit is practice.

It's important to learn to sit with what you're feeling. Emotions are neither good nor bad. They simply are. They usually step onto the stage of your mind without your permission. However, you are the stage manager, director, producer. You decide how long the emotion stays there. You invite it off the stage by choosing to not entertain it. You truly are that powerful. No, it isn't easy. It takes lots of practice. An abuse survivor is at a disadvantage because we were taught to ignore and suppress emotions. We have to go through the learning process that children go through, from toddlers to teenagers, as a matter of course. We're choosing to take the journey. It's worth it.