Self Care 1 of 25

I want to take the same care going through these as the last group of statements, focusing on solutions. I'm not good at self care, but I am learning.

Original link:

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/

1. To feel worthy of the self care. It often feels and sounds selfish to me. So many others are in need besides me that seem more deserving. Selfishness is one of my biggest pet peeves, after being rejected, abandoned and abused by selfish people. I am trying to get better.

My response:

"Don't be so selfish!" "All you think of is yourself." "Think of others first." "It is better to give than receive." Surprised you with that one, didn't I?

Abuse isn't always straightforward. Sometimes abusers twist good things to suit their own purpose.

The first great commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, might, mind, and strength.

The second is like it, to love your neighbor as yourself.

Not love your neighbor better than yourself but as yourself. This kind of love cannot be selfish because the moment you turn it outward it's no long about self. Of course, there are those who will use their "love" for others to serve themselves. That is not what it says. Loving your neighbor as yourself means you're as concerned for their welfare as you are for your own.

This does not negate "no greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for his friends." This is wanting them to live as much as you do. As I've read accounts of soldiers laying down their lives for others, from those who have survived what could have killed them, they don't go into it thinking that they're choosing to die so that their friends live. They see what needs to be done and do it without counting the cost ahead of time. They don't calculate "what's in it for me."

Learning this one later is life is tough, painful. I'm able to look back and see times when I took advantage of others, not because I wanted to "use" them but because I didn't understand how give and take works yet. I also made the mistake of trying to be generous to the point where I was leaving nothing left for me. There are plenty of people out there who are willing to take whatever is offered them whether they need it or not. I am learning that sometimes it's okay to take what isn't needed at the moment with the thought in mind that someone will come along who needs it.

I struggled with the whole concept that you couldn't love others if you didn't love yourself. The idea made me angry because it hurt my feelings. Hurt feelings are survivable. Hurt feelings don't last, unless you're into holding grudges. However, as I've learned to take better care of myself, I'm able to see my ability to help others improve. What I didn't understand is that when I was over my head in shame and self-loathing, I often didn't even see the needs of others around me. As I take care of myself, I'm able to bless others with things I'd collected that I thought I needed.

As you learn to meet your own needs, you'll recognize better when someone is trying to manipulate you for their own agenda and see better true needs of others you might not have seen through your haze of self-neglect. Take care of you. You are worth fighting for, and there are people who need what only you are able to give.