When I decided to start living boldly I knew it wouldn't be easy. I knew there would be struggles in overcoming old habits and endeavoring to find a new way.
I didn't expect to have my body rebel.
Struggling to sleep.
Unable to settle back into my healthy eating habits.
Gaining weight, despite doing the same things. Thank you cortisol. Not.
Deep breath. Breathe out.
The anxiety reminds me of the bugs under my skin feeling of too much caffeine. Chest tightening. Skin tightening on my scalp. Queasy.
What in the world was I thinking?
Despite all this, I am not giving up.
Each day is a new opportunity to try again.
Great.
Each day is a new round of gut twisting fear. Questioning my sanity. Doubting my decisions. Wondering when everything is going to blow up and crash in flames.
I'm living one day at a time.
Now is a good time for a breadcrumb.
I get panicky days, too, where I get completely overwhelmed with being so "out there." I generally like my privacy, so talking about personal things online can get a bit anxiety laden for me, as well. That's when I turn off my browser and go do something else. Sometimes I forget there is a real live world out there not reading my comments! LOL
ReplyDeleteOne of my other blogging friends suggested what she calls "The Opposite." For one hour you do the opposite of what you're supposed to do. She tailored the suggestion by adding that if I was supposed to be editing or transcribing, then pull out a jigsaw puzzle, for an hour. I tried it, only it was a book I'm reading currently, and it helped this morning.
DeleteFunny you should mention the blogging, because I suddenly realized having people read my blogs doesn't bother me much. I've been online for over 10 years now, and have met so many amazing people, including in person.
The risk has been in pursing writing professionally. I know what needs to be done, but some of it needs to wait. Part of what stirred this up was seeing the stuff about APP. I have several things I'd like to do, but I need my book covers to set them up. There's plenty to keep me busy, but it's on that List of Doom: Things that have to be done, but I can't because it isn't time yet. :-)
Thanks, Patty.