Self Care 19 of 25

I want to take the same care going through these as the last group of statements, focusing on solutions. I'm not good at self care, but I am learning.

Original link:

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/

19. Sleeping... I’ve slept about 6 hours in the last 48.

My response:

I haven't had as much trouble with this as others. On the occasions when I don't sleep all night, I confess the problems resides squarely with a book I couldn't put down. Then again, it might be that I couldn't put it down because I couldn't sleep or didn't want to sleep.

I've written before of the power of sleep deprivation to act as a tranquilizer, if you're in deep enough. This is sleep deprivation past the cranky/grumpy stage. I'm not saying it's healthy; it isn't. I'm saying I used it to keep me mellow. Considering the fact that I hadn't yet learned to cope with the lake of rage boiling inside me, anything to help me remain calm was a positive. Okay, not so much positive as basically preferable to the alternative. Living that way isn't actually living; it's existing.

It's important to figure out why you aren't sleeping. It might be a physical problem. It might be nightmares. Do your homework and find out. A plan of action can't be formed until you have some idea of what you're battling.

Why did I have struggle sleeping? If I went to sleep, the next day would come sooner. Yes, I'd have to face another day. Was my way of dealing with it logical? Who said logic had anything to do with it? Abuse is not logical. Avoiding the unavoidable is not logical. "Normal" but not logical.

"Normal is a setting on a dryer." Important to remember that. "What's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."

Lifesaving information about sleep: When you sleep is when your body repairs itself.

Sleep is when your brain works through your day, hence nightmares. I used to run and run and run but never went anywhere. I felt like I was running in water or jello or wet cement. I learned enough about dream interpretation to know I was trying to escape.

I learned how to change my dreams. It was usually easiest to make changes as I woke. This usually meant planning ahead. Not always successful but often enough I was able to curb some of my worst dreams.

I've experimented with any of a number of things to help me sleep at night.

I created a routine to help me know it's time to go to sleep. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

I have used Benadryl to help me sleep. I also discovered it helped with motion sickness.

I've used relaxation CDs of various types. Some work better than others. The CD shutting off woke me sometimes.

What I use now: Routine, rainymood.com, children's lantern that shines stars on the ceiling, lavender and/or frankincense and myrrh, a sunrise clock that slowly brightens over a half hour and finishes with the sound of the ocean, and a second alarm that turns on my favorite radio station (K-LOVE).

Practice, practice, practice. I know I sound like a broken record.

One more thing: What helps me turn off my brain when the thoughts are spiraling? I've worked through a lot of mantras, endeavoring to find one that works consistently for me. Repeating this over and over helps me to calm, like focusing on a flickering candle: Give the battle to God and praise God in the storm.