Self Care 24 of 25

I want to take the same care going through these as the last group of statements, focusing on solutions. I'm not good at self care, but I am learning.

Original link:

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/

24. Doing things for myself (resting, watching a movie, a massage) without feeling selfish and guilty.

My response:

Buying nice clothes. Eating healthy. Going out to eat. Yes, it's easy for me to brush away little things that aren't as obvious, like resting, watching a movie, reading a book for fun.

It's so difficult to change the mindset that the abuser is the only who matters. It's even more difficult when it's re-enforced by others with phrases like, "They're doing the best they know how." "Hurt people hurt people." "Choose kindness."

Phrases I would prefer in the place of the ones above: "What they're doing is wrong, and it isn't your responsibility to make everything right for them." "Of course hurt people hurt people. Everyone has been hurt. Being hurt isn't an excuse for hurting others. Choose to be a better person." "Kindness is not always the answer. The definition is too vague. Choose to be your best self. Sometimes, that means walking away but sometimes that means standing your ground with courage."

I recent read a book where the premise of the hero's journey is based on the belief that war occurs because of resources, the lack of them or the desire for more. No wonder the world is at odds. War occurs because evil exists. Some people think they have the right to hold power over others. Some people think that other people shouldn't exist. Some people want to control others. Resources are the spoils of war.

Abuse is war. The victim is the spoils of war, a slave to the abuser. One person believes they have the right to control and use another person as they see fit. Slaves have no rights. Slaves don't deserve special treatment. Slaves don't deserve anything. The abuser decides what is given and what is withheld. Abusers use guilt to control their victims.

As long as I allow guilt to rule myself, I am still a slave to my abuser.

Jesus set me free. Do I believe Him or don't I?

When I started learning to do things for myself I did a lot of things that weren't healthy. My secondary abuse of choice is overeating. As I release the guilt and unwarranted shame, my need to overeat decreases. Part of it is trial and error. I'm learning what healthy people learn as children.

First I had to learn what I enjoyed. I have friends who love going to parties, watch horror movies, read long books. I don't enjoy those things. Now that I'm more familiar with what I enjoy, I'm better able to add new things to my list of things to do for myself, to show myself I'm worthy of care and I'm allowed to enjoy my life.