Becoming Ladyhawk....

I soon had more interactions with people who knew me as Ladyhawk than I did with people who knew me as Judy.

Ladyhawk participated fully in the LOTR fan community.

I’d developed several friendships within that community.

One of those friends asked if she could email.

Sure. I was still leery, but more out of habit than real concern for my safety from those within the community.

She wanted to share a story she’d written.

Okay.

She’d written a romance for Frodo.

We emailed back and forth, extensively, before I agreed to read it. I expressed my concerns. For the first time in my life, I had to discuss with someone how I felt about relationships between men and women. I was terrified. I’d never before discussed it. Ever. We went into details. What was I thinking?

Who wanted to know my ugly perspective? I certainly didn’t want to taint anyone with it.

This was the first time I had to face my past as Ladyhawk. Ladyhawk was outspoken, funny, a writer, and still finding her way. She’d been born the day I joined the fan club.

Now, I had to add a past.

**Side note: I’m not suggesting I was a split personality. I’m not, nor have I ever been. Like most people, I simply had different masks I wore. I was one person at school, another with friends, another at church, and still another at home, depending on what was demanded of me. Then I added Ladyhawk, the person I was when I was online. All of them were the same person; I simply shared different things in each case, keeping parts hidden from the others, to keep my core self safe.