When I am questioning my decision to pursue my writing I step back and look at what led me here.
I've spent the last while recounting my journey to becoming a writer. The actual physical, day to day steps, one leading to the next.
What I didn't recount:
All the prayer.
When I first started writing, it was for fun.
Then things started to happen.
I started writing more. It was there in my head. I didn't think about whether it was right or wrong or whether or not it was the best choice or decision. I enjoyed writing, so I wrote.
Others encouraged my writing. People I trusted.
It became a challenge.
I honestly never truly believed I would be published. It didn't keep me from continuing to write. I discovered writing was a great way to kick ideas out of my head, rather than having them race around like hamsters in a squeaky wheel.
It all started out so innocently. A bit of fun. A lark. Why not?
I had one of those feelings about my job changing, my transcribing job. Instead of ignoring it, I listened. I spent more time with my writing. At the same time, I couldn't figure out a way to save my transcribing career. Times were changing, much sooner than I expected. I figured ten years down the road, I'd need to rethink my career path.
When it happened much sooner I panicked, but I didn't freeze. I kept taking a next step and a next step. It dawned on me I should probably take a look back to see if this path I was on was a blind alley or actually had breadcrumbs leading me along.
It was amazing how easy those breadcrumbs were to see. Sometimes, God laid down whole loaves. I would have had to willfully ignore them to miss them.
This started a new approach. In stead of seeing what breadcrumbs I'd already managed to pick up, I started looking ahead of me. Searching for breadcrumbs to help me stay the course.
On the days I question my decision, I mean question if I'm out of my mind and fooling myself, I ask God to toss me a breadcrumb. I have an armful of loaves.
For me, I was rejected from grad school. I thought I should go to grad school. I thought it was appropriate. It would please my family. I didn't really want to do it. Even thinking about it bummed me out a little. So I got rejected and felt a grin come to my face. I was freed up to do what I wanted to--nearly starve to death while working teeny tiny dead end part time jobs to finance my writing. I was blissfully happy! (My family nearly cried.)
ReplyDeleteLOL!! So good of you to make the space available to someone else. :-) It's a pleasure sharing the writing path with you, Patty.
DeleteI panic and freeze all the time with my writing. The minute it seems like its about to happen for me, I retreat like an idiot. My mother might as well be standing next to me, tearing my manuscripts into shreds.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on stopping that nonsense. I have to forget all the times I ran away from the brass ring in my reach because otherwise I really risk beating the mental crap out of myself.
I'm so glad to read your story of how you kept the faith in your journey. I hope I can learn from it.
Thanks, vicarious. You'll find your writing voice, again. It won't be easy, but it is possible. You already know all about not easy and finding away to move forward.
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