Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Note to self...

When I am questioning my decision to pursue my writing I step back and look at what led me here.

I've spent the last while recounting my journey to becoming a writer. The actual physical, day to day steps, one leading to the next.

What I didn't recount:

All the prayer.

When I first started writing, it was for fun.

Then things started to happen.

I started writing more. It was there in my head. I didn't think about whether it was right or wrong or whether or not it was the best choice or decision. I enjoyed writing, so I wrote.

Others encouraged my writing. People I trusted.

It became a challenge.

I honestly never truly believed I would be published. It didn't keep me from continuing to write. I discovered writing was a great way to kick ideas out of my head, rather than having them race around like hamsters in a squeaky wheel.

It all started out so innocently. A bit of fun. A lark. Why not?

I had one of those feelings about my job changing, my transcribing job. Instead of ignoring it, I listened. I spent more time with my writing. At the same time, I couldn't figure out a way to save my transcribing career. Times were changing, much sooner than I expected. I figured ten years down the road, I'd need to rethink my career path.

When it happened much sooner I panicked, but I didn't freeze. I kept taking a next step and a next step. It dawned on me I should probably take a look back to see if this path I was on was a blind alley or actually had breadcrumbs leading me along.

It was amazing how easy those breadcrumbs were to see. Sometimes, God laid down whole loaves. I would have had to willfully ignore them to miss them.

This started a new approach. In stead of seeing what breadcrumbs I'd already managed to pick up, I started looking ahead of me. Searching for breadcrumbs to help me stay the course.

On the days I question my decision, I mean question if I'm out of my mind and fooling myself, I  ask God to toss me a breadcrumb. I have an armful of loaves.

4 comments:

  1. For me, I was rejected from grad school. I thought I should go to grad school. I thought it was appropriate. It would please my family. I didn't really want to do it. Even thinking about it bummed me out a little. So I got rejected and felt a grin come to my face. I was freed up to do what I wanted to--nearly starve to death while working teeny tiny dead end part time jobs to finance my writing. I was blissfully happy! (My family nearly cried.)

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    1. LOL!! So good of you to make the space available to someone else. :-) It's a pleasure sharing the writing path with you, Patty.

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  2. I panic and freeze all the time with my writing. The minute it seems like its about to happen for me, I retreat like an idiot. My mother might as well be standing next to me, tearing my manuscripts into shreds.

    I'm working on stopping that nonsense. I have to forget all the times I ran away from the brass ring in my reach because otherwise I really risk beating the mental crap out of myself.

    I'm so glad to read your story of how you kept the faith in your journey. I hope I can learn from it.

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    1. Thanks, vicarious. You'll find your writing voice, again. It won't be easy, but it is possible. You already know all about not easy and finding away to move forward.

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