As Ladyhawk, I interacted with people all over the world. It was amazing.
Being Ladyhawk also presented a bit of a dilemma for me. I liked Ladyhawk better.
I wanted to be Ladyhawk.
God is merciful and kind.
It occurred to me: Why not?
So I went about exploring Ladyhawk and learning to become like her.
What I discovered: Ladyhawk was my true self. By disguising her as Ladyhawk, I was protecting her until I was strong enough to stand for myself.
As Ladyhawk, I traveled to visit other LOTR friends I’d met online. I participate in LOTR events, including reading aloud at libraries, conferences, special weekends. I traveled to Los Angeles, Florida, Texas, and Kentucky. Everyone knew me as Ladyhawk, and Ladyhawk was me.
These were the first people to know me — me the writer.
They didn’t know the person who lived in fear, who lived a flat life, struggling one day to the next.
They saw the potential. I needed to live up to the potential. I began to see I wasn’t nearly as weak as I’d always believed myself to be.
Writing is so freeing! I find that I'm a nerd at heart. I like to geek on things--go full thrusters at things that interest me. There is a lot of freedom that comes from not caring if other people think you're an oddball or not. There is also a lot of freedom when you realize the things that make you an oddball make you belong with a whole new group of people just like you. I'm so glad you found your writer-self!
ReplyDeleteIt really was the most amazing experience to discover I wasn't the most extreme at all. In fact, I was pretty "normal." LOL! Thank you! There are so many wonderful people in the world.
Delete