Merry Christmas...

And in the words of Charles Dickens, "God bless us, every one."

Life is a struggle...

Clearly, I wasn't handling my counselors departure as well as I thought, but I seem to have finally come through, I think, in large part, because of Christmas. There is much I do not understand about love, especially God's perfect love, but I do know that Christmas is an expression of that love, as is Easter. I'm baffled by a world that demands Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Is there any greater lie than denying the reason for the season? How is it possible to be happy if one lies to one's self? So, Merry CHRISTmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ, God's only Begotten Son. Christ is the reason for the season, and I am daily grateful for that gift given to each of us; we decide if we will accept or reject it, but it was given just the same. Praying for the peace that only Christ may give.

Slowly settling again...

After the slow death of my modem, and the tension of intermittent internet service, all is back to normal. It's taken a few days, but I'm re-establishing my routines. I worked on The Project, and made notes for another book. That is one of the frustrating things: Keeping my focus on one thing at a time, but if I don't write down the other ideas, I find myself unable to think about anything else. Maddening.

Breath in, breath out...

I did it. I cut the scene the judges all said seemed out of place. I saved it to another document. It might be useful in another story, or later in the trilogy. I don't know. The joy of cut and paste: I don't have to say goodbye to things I love for ever. Keep breathing. A part of me reasons that I'm being silly. It's not a critical scene. If it were, the judges wouldn't have wanted it axed. I like the scene, but then I remind myself that it doesn't actually move the story along. It's done. Now, onward to more editing.

How did so much time slip away?

Life turned upside down, for a while, but seems to have found its way right side up again. Today, I worked on THE PROJECT, the WIP, and the completed historical novel that needs serious editing. Not a bad bit of work.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

I thank God for the gift of words. I thank God for all those who share their gifts with me, enriching my life, inspiring me in my journey back to God. I thank God He is in control, and no matter what happens that truth never changes. And what an immeasurable blessing to know that God is good.

The brain went on vacation...

...without me. However, it seems to be back, and working. I didn't take a break from writing, only from posting here. I've been working only sporadically on THE PROJECT, but I've thought about it a great deal, sorting things in my head. The first four chapters are done, and the next two are well on their way to being finished. All the chapters are set and in varying stages of being completed.

God's unexpected reassurances...

The computer is working beautifully, today, so is the internet. What I thought was a problem with my computer wasn't. Someone else mentioned that they had trouble with their internet connection, yesterday. It wasn't only me, which means it wasn't my computer! It was the carrier! Whew. :-) Back to work. Not a lot of writing is being accomplished as PTBW is a bit heavy, and there's a snag I haven't quite figured out how to use, yet.

Maddening...

I update the security on my computer, just as I ought, and suddenly it kicks me off the internet every time I go to a new site. Bah! Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how things are working, my computer is my lifeline to friends far away and research that would be impossible to do without it. Please, God, bless my computer; my friends are reached here and my work is held hostage... held safely here. :-)

Not forgotten, but yes, ignored...

I didn't tackle this blog, last night, as I sent the first three chapters of THE PROJECT to my counselor. No feed back, but not worried about that either. It's always unsettling to sending out your "baby" to be critiqued. I have already sent and received feedback from a dear friend. It was very encouraging, and yet I feel no less fear sending it out again. One never knows how others will receive what you have lovingly crafted. And yet this, I feel, is something I must do, something I have always been meant to do. But only with God's help.

More sorting...

Sorted through more notes that I thought I would use, but have now decided not to do so. I've created a separate document for all those notes. They may or may not ever be used, but I worry less knowing they are there if I need them. It was a busy work day. The PTBW was a bit discouraging, taking much longer than it should have, but it happens that way, sometimes.

Outline complete...

The outline appears to be complete. I wrote the first four chapters, building the foundation pretty much in a linear manner. Now, with the chapters outlined, I'm finding myself jumping between them as ideas pop into my mind. I actually prefer writing this way. Maybe that was part of the trouble with my WIPs: I was writing them mostly in a linear fashion. So, I need to learn how to write outlines for my WIPs... hmmm...

THE PROJECT...

...is now completely outlined, in that ever chapter is ready for fleshing out, with the first four chapters already done. Notes were re-arranged, lots of deleting, and an important chapter added to the list. There's always room to add, and I already know that it's important to be able to cut, but I feel like the framework is now complete. Wow. Praise be to God. Laus Deo.

Work...

...sometimes it simply takes over. When it takes twelve hours to complete what usually only takes about six hours, you know it's a rough day. When it takes twice as long several days in a row, it's a problem. However, today, I was able to work on the PROJECT. I sorted through notes and did a bit of editing and more in depth outlining.

Life happens, and then you pick yourself up...

...and go on. I'm caught up, finally, and starting to settle into a comfortable routine again. It helps with my writing. The PROJECT is the sole focus. It's outlined and being fleshed out.

This was unexpected...

I pulled out the WIP and found myself wondering if it still truly holds together. I may cut the prologue and put it somewhere within the story or, I may cut it completely. It doesn't really match the tone of the rest of the story anymore, at least not in my own mind. I have to finish the PROJECT! But if I do, will I be able to return to my WIPs and MIPs? I have over a dozen stories in progress, to varying degrees. Do I have the courage to trust God to lead me through the PROJECT and have something for me on the other side? I don't know.

Back on the PROJECT...

Add a bit and did a bit of editing. PTBW has been a bear, and yet, it does pay the bills, so trying not to complain. :-) Though I'd put in a full day, plus, I decided that I would not put off the PROJECT any longer. I feel the need to finish it, and finish it quickly because there are other things I want to write. And yet, my head is so full of the PROJECT there isn't room for much of anything else.

Really didn't fall off the edge of the world...

Last week was spent preparing for a trip to California. It refreshed and renewed my soul. I realized there were a few things I need to add to the PROJECT. I did so as soon as I returned home. However, I'm still playing catch up. Maybe tomorrow things will begin to settle... a little... maybe... hopefully...

Did not fall off the face of the earth...

...it only felt like it. Had a couple of bear days. Working was taking much longer to finish than typical. Frustrating. After working a couple of 12-13 hour days, I was done in. Feeling more rested now, so back to writing. Today, was some re-reading and cleanup.

Never guessed this would happen...

I'm having to schedule breaks in my writing.

Moving forward...

I've spent part of the day writing, and am quite pleased with the result. Fine tuning the first chapters clarifies what is coming later. Bonhoeffer said, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” I'm choosing not to be silent anymore.

Disruptive storms...

After the recent storms, I find myself still playing catchup, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm debating whether or not to cut an entire section. This is giving me the opportunity to mull it over, try it with and without.

First thing to do: STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

With more storms, today, I learned something new about myself. Yesterday, I lamented that I turned off my brain as well as my computer. I found myself in the same situation, today, except that I learned something new, today. I really cannot focus on anything during a storm, except the storm. I gave up trying to read or do anything else, pulled up a chair in front of the picture window, and watched the rain and wind plow through, while listening to the thunder. Couldn't really see any lightning, due to the tree in front of the window. Now, the announcer kept warning about the storms and that you should stay away from the windows. Felt a bit like those poor bugs attracted to those bug light zappers. All afternoon, I watched the storms roll in and out. I am awed by the power and frightened by what that unleashed power is capable of destroying. They were also announcing possible tornadoes to add to the excitement. I've never been one much for gawking at traffic accidents. I have met my own version of the traffic accident: Storms.

Sometimes life is sidetracked...

Plans of writing were sidetracked by weather... okay, that's an excuse. I did have to turn off the computer due to lightning, but I turned off my brain to THE PROJECT for a few days. I'm doing a bit of re-arranging in another aspect of my life. Interestingly enough, I realize that I'm also editing the current chapter, in the back of my mind. I'll catch myself mulling it over at odd moments. Life is in a bit of an upheaval. My routine is in flux, and that always throws me for a loop and leaves me feeling out of sorts. I did discover an unfinished sentence at the end of a chapter. That's unsettling. Hopefully what I wrote today is better than what I'd been thinking before.

Thank God...

It finally came together, all those new bits and old bits, and it's so much better! There are only a half dozen paragraphs of the old material left that need to be re-worked. I thought about cutting them, but again there was too much material that needed keeping. So, it's back to mulling it over. Having what comes before it in order will hopefully lend itself to guiding what comes next. We'll see.

The horrible, awful, very bad day, and then...

...you learn someone's days was far worse than yours. Every day, I endeavor to fight the good fight, but like everyone, sometimes I'm simply too tired. So, I take a little time to sit and rest, then pick myself up, usually with a hand up from the Lord, and start moving forward once more. THE PROJECT is feeling a bit overwhelming at the moment. That will change. I'm not too worried, yet. It's a bit of a struggle when I'm feeling like I'm playing catchup with the regular everyday events. I also admit that though I like the new perspective on THE PROJECT it feels almost too much, and yet, when I attempt to edit, I find nothing to cut. Endeavoring to lay it at God's feet, but wondering if He wants me to simply pick it up and run with it as hard and fast as I possible can... perhaps the question is do I have the courage within me?

I'm finding the long work day...

...the ones that are PTBW, difficult to accomplish anything beyond work, at least recently. I was able to add to THE PROJECT, today. Interesting to have thoughts of my WIP creep in. Poke.

You know it's going to be a difficult day when...

...it takes more than twelve hours to do work that usually takes only six hours. By the time I finished my work, my brain was done. I cut myself a break, and curled up with a book, but I didn't stop thinking about THE PROJECT. I realized that part of my recent struggle is that I liked my original idea, but I also liked the knew idea, and yet choosing one or the other simply didn't feel right. So, I'm choosing both. This is going to be a little tricky, weaving the two ideas together, but I think it will also be richer for the effort. Back to work. PTBW feels like work, but THE PROJECT lifts me, but only if I stay true to its purpose. I'm writing it for me.

New Beginning...

With the new plan in mind, I returned to the beginning to see how much would need changing. A word here and there, only because they'd been forgotten or misspelled. The prologue and first chapter are done. The second chapter will require more work because that is where the planned officially changed, but already things have been re-arranged and are falling into place. Back to it, tomorrow.

Shifting gears...

Though I think I prefer the new track, I'm not as sure of it as I was the first. I seem to be a little slow in changing my mind set. I am continuing the research for the new path, but it's less clear, more work. Cheryl Wyatt said, "God's way isn't the easy way." She's right.

Sigh... hate when this happens...

It's all mapped out. It's clear in my head. I know where it's going and how to reach the intended destination. Full speed ahead! Then I do a little research. Sigh. My brilliant plan is flawed. No surprise there. I'm human. I make mistakes. Now, I could continue to beat myself up ad nauseum, but what would it accomplish? Delay. What good is that? Not much. So, I'm regrouping. The new plan is already falling into place, and I actually like it much better. Thanks God for leading me to the point where we could make a course correction. Awesome.

THE PROJECT progress...

The prologue, Chapter One, and Chapter Two are complete. Chapter Three is partially written, and a few of the later chapters are partially written. It's taken a slightly unexpected turn, and yet it's been leading this way all along. I simply didn't recognize it until I was on top of it. This feeling of one thing leading to another is why I write.

More editing...

The previous editing was material I'd added and then decided didn't actually fit. Today's editing was all about finding the correct tenses, spelling, coherency. I'm enjoying the reading, that feeling that this is right and good.

What happened to the last few days?

It isn't that I've abandoned THE PROJECT or even been overwhelmed by it, despite its best effort to consume my life. I've worked on it, every day. I wake up thinking about it, and go to sleep thinking about it. My work is interrupted by thoughts of it. My leisure reading and watching television are also interrupted by it. I endeavor to give it the attention it demands, then it wants more. The last few days, I've added to it, but I've also done some extensive editing and research. That's really far more impressive than it seems on the surface because my brain has essentially been MIA. Blessedly, the week-long headache has passed, but trying to focus is a bear. All things considered, I'm not actually frustrated. I do feel privileged that God would see fit to guide this work, and I do feel that He is, for my deepest desire is for this work to lead one person to God. That person may be me, but God loves us each so much, Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection would have happened even if it all was for only one person, but He did it for all of us. A gift. The question is: Do you accept it, or not?

Obviously, I took a couple days off...

...at least, from posting here. I did not take time off from writing. The opening to THE PROJECT is complete and an outline is forming. PTBW has been shuffled to the side more than once because my mind was filled with what comes next. This, I did not anticipate. It's gradually taking over my life, and oddly enough I don't feel a bit bad about it.

Review...

I shared with my counselor a bit of what I've written for THE PROJECT. It was interesting. I've seen plenty of advice from the publishing industry that dictates that one must write what will sell. In THE PROJECT, I've fretted over whether or not what I've written is salable. I was advised that it is more important to write what will most help me. I will endeavor to keep that in mind, over the next week, and see what happens, writing from that perspective.

Labor Day...

I took the opportunity to relax. Still, thoughts of THE PROJECT were ever present, and I found myself gathering more information. Tomorrow, I'll be doing a review. It seems overwhelming sometimes. Writing a story seems easy, now, in comparison. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm feeling scattered. This too shall pass. Blessedly.

Writing not forgotten...

Last night, I had a bit of family time, so posting was delayed. Writing was done for THE PROJECT both yesterday and today. The hero and heroine of my current WIP seem to be content to wait. Actually, it feels more like they're sitting center court watching the tennis game, curious about how long it will take and how it will all turn out. I don't know. Good to know that God does know. I'm hanging onto that.

Another page...

...only this one was more along the line of bullet points, things I want to include in THE PROJECT. Though I feel a certain level of fear, I'm also excited. I find myself smiling for seemingly no reason at all, and even humming or singing to myself.

THE PROJECT has started...

I've been carelessly collecting notes ever since I was given the assignment. Adding a little here and a little there, occasionally. Today, I wrote for only ten minutes, but then had to walk away because so much was rushing through my head. What I wrote would qualify as the opener, the pitch, the prologue, the introduction, the first page. It's a start.

I did come to realize that the struggle lies in the knowledge that my fiction is exactly that: Fiction, though I do use personal experiences. But writing them for my characters sort of makes it third person. My readers won't know what REALLY happened mixed in with what's fabricated. What's more, it's in third person, so it's more as if it happened to someone else.

In THE PROJECT, I'm feeling uncomfortably exposed. God help me. It's the only way.

Thanks Deena,

For asking about my current WIP. You're the first I told about where I am mentally right now. I started this blog to be accountable; I need to be accountable, especially now. There is another writing project sitting on the back burner. The last few days, I've wondered if I'm using my current WIP as an avoidance pattern, procrastinating starting that other project. This comes with my struggle to learn to be honest with myself. Must I choose between THE PROJECT or the WIP? I think perhaps not. I believe the two are meant to complement, but I have been using one to avoid the other. So, this week I am searching my heart and doing the homework I've been avoiding. What is it God needs me to be and do?

"Life is too short without laughter." I heard this on the radio, today, from a guy in Tennessee, and loved it!

Writing put on the backburner...

...but only for today. I had a wonderful opportunity to participate in America's Divine Destiny and took it, albeit over the internet. Thank God for computers and the internet. What a wondrous blessing. I felt uplifted and inspired. And I remembered a quote that my walking buddy reminded me about only the other day. "If God is your co-pilot, trying changing seats with Him." Thus far in my life, I haven't truly been brave enough to turn over the control. I pray I am brave enough now, because I want more freedom, more choices, and they come from God.

Ebb and flow...

A torrent yesterday and a drizzle today. Only managed a little editing, but it did need to be done, so I'll not complain.

I've been following quite a few other writers on their own journeys, and find it inspiring. There's a comfort in knowing one is not alone, especially not alone in a difficult struggle, whatever that might be.

From long ago, I remember a story of a statue of Christ without hands. I googled it, and was amazed to see that there are statues of Christ, all over the world, without hands. In each case, the meaning is the same: We are Christ's hands. In His life, He taught by example. How much have we learned? It shows in what we do.

Wow...

That scene I mentioned yesterday is definitely more fleshed out, today. I started, and the next thing I knew more than a thousand words had found their way onto the page. This is fun.

Today's quote is from Vivian Greene: "Life's not about waiting for storms to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Here's to learning to dance in the rain! And thank God there are so many remarkable people willingly sharing the inspiration that has touched their life, so it might touch the lives of others, like me.

Inspiration...

Chatting on my walk with my walking buddy, this morning, I found myself remembering a specific event that I knew would fit into the current WIP. What's more, it fits into the very next scene.

In my study on honor, I'm learning that it encompasses many things. Coming from a home where even the simplest of courtesies was not taught, let alone values and principles such as respect, compassion, and honor, my search for honor is multifaceted, and requires that I become more than I have ever been before. What comes naturally to others because it has been ingrained since babyhood I am struggling to learn and incorporate into my life, now. There are days when I feel hopelessly uncouth, and other days when there is a glimmer of potential. I hang onto "I only truly fail if I fail to rise each time I fall."

Scattered rain....

One letter makes all the difference. What I'm feeling is scatter brain. One little letter changes everything. Writers don't only struggle with plots and characters, sometimes it feels like a fight to the death for exactly the right word. Feeling like my wits are anywhere but here makes gathering enough focus to write even a single word beyond difficult. I know what comes next in the story, but can't decide how to reach that point from where I currently am. Do I allow my heroine to draw us there, or the sister to lead us along? I have dialogue for both. Hate when that happens.

On an encouraging note, David Barton posted on FB a list of scriptures about honor, with the intent that it be the focus of prayer. I'm taking it to heart.

Editing...

The importance of self editing came through as I re-read what I wrote last night, namely the final word. As I glanced over what I'd added, I found myself gripped in a double-take because the word I thought it was wasn't what I'd written. My computer didn't question it. I looked it up in the dictionary, and was told I might need to try an unabridged version. Oops. Not what I intended, I think. I can't even be sure. A different word choice was decided on, and then I happily moved on in the scene since I'd been mulling over the story all day and found a pleasing direction.

Friday...

I'm having the vision trouble typical of an oncoming migraine, so keeping it short. I wanted to be able to stick to my goal to write six days a week, and managed to add a little more. Not a lot, but it did make me smile, an interchange between the heroine and the hero's sister. These are people I'd like as friends.

Christ, the perfect example in all things. The thought of how much that encompasses is a bit staggering. However, this is the first time I've wondered about his perfect sense of humor. I've often complained about God's sense of humor, more specifically when it seemed as if it were at my expense. That little bit of whining out of the way, I must admit that in those moments, I did laugh. It was usually my pride that took the hit, that being my self-righteousness/arrogance. Not a bad thing, just unsettling.

Words fly...

I open the document, my mind completely blank of where the scene is supposed to go. I look at the last line, and write the next. Suddenly, there are a few hundred words added, and I'm laughing at myself.

Decided to do a quick web search on honor and found the following at dictionary.reference.com : Honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions. Integrity: Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character. Moral: Of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong. Ethical: Pertaining to or dealing with morals or the principles of morality.

That could all become very stuffy. Now why did that come to mind? Is it true? Or is it remembering those who professed to adhere to such ideals too often saying more but acting less. Perhaps, too often verbs are made nouns by Men. Christ was a doer.

Rain kept me away...

...but it wasn't a bad thing, as I finally finished the current scene and started the next. I've always enjoyed the writing process, the way characters have of taking you places you never planned or imagined.

It's interesting to find things overlapping in my life. I've been contemplating humility and came across this scripture: Proverbs 15:33 "The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility." Am I humble? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Funny that I also turned to Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction." So at least I'm not a fool, because I don't despise wisdom and instruction. One definition of humility is being teachable.

How does all this relate to writing? If I want my characters to be humble and honorable, I need to know what it is and how to portray it. For example, to create God-fearing characters, I first needed to know that being God fearing means loving God.

Breaks really do help...

Working on the WIP, today, I learned something new about my hero. (His sister spilled it.) This is so much fun. I should probably move on from this scene, but it's been a blast writing.

Today's reflection on honor is from the Bible, specifically the New International Version. Proverbs 22:4 "Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life."
~reminder to self: early translation of fear of the Lord meant love of the Lord.

Review type of day...

I went over notes for the current WIP and the one to follow. Made a few notes, added a little, solidifying characters. The next one isn't going to be easy from what little I've written already.

Honor: synonyms honor, homage, reverence, deference mean respect and esteem shown to another. Honor may apply to the recognition of one's right to great respect or any expression of such recognition, ie, the nomination is an honor. Homage adds the implication of accompanying praise, ie, paying homage to Shakespeare. Reverence implies profound respect mingled with love, devotion, or awe, ie, great reverence for my father. Deference implies a yielding or submitting to another's judgment or preference out of respect or reverence, ie, showed deference to their elders. In addition, see honesty.

This is beginning to clarify what I am endeavoring to learn and understand.

Creating names...

...is not one of my favorite aspects of writing. I've come to the realization that my hero has a nickname. It was relatively easy, but his buddy's was more difficult to peg. I sit down to write and think there's nothing there in my head, and the next thing I know several hundred words have been added to the page. I feel blessed.

Honor 9 plural: social courtesies or civilities extended by a host, ie, asked him to do the honors
10a (1): an ace, king, queen jack, or ten especially of the trump suit in bridge (2): the scoring value of honors held in bridge -- usually used in plural b: the privilege of playing first from the tee in golf
Decided to post two at once, since though I understand them, they don't apply to the understanding I'm seeking on the subject.

That being said, I found the following an arrow to the heart. In Diane Gaston's Regency Romance Chivalrous Captain, Rebel Mistress, she quotes Tacitus: "That cannot be safe which is not honourable."

Even a smidgen of progress...

...is still progress. Didn't manage to accomplish much, but trying to be positive, and I didn't completely ignore the writing. Thoughts are scattered.

Honor 8a: a keen sense of ethical conduct: integrity b: one's word given as a guarantee of performance
Ah, here is where I start to struggle. I understand the concepts, but I fear I don't always practice them. Sometimes I say I'll do things and then don't follow through. I'm endeavoring to be more careful about what I commit to do. Now, the question begs to be asked, is it now a matter of my lacking honor, or is it about me not being perfect?

Other days...

...aren't so bad. The PTBW was done in a reasonable amount of time, a regular work-type day. I'm building on the WIP and finding out things I never knew or guessed about my hero and his best friend. I only hope I'm staying true to men in general, and my characters in particular. It feels good to be writing consistently.

Honor 7: chastity, purity
That I understand.

Some days....

...feel like falling down the rabbit hole. Though the PTBW wasn't long technically, it was slow going. It isn't finished yet, and won't be until I call for some clarification, but with offices closed, it must wait until tomorrow.

No brain left for creative thinking, but did work on the other writing project a bit. It's been nagging. That should tell me something, if I were willing to listen. I am teachable. I am. I'm working on it, anyway.

Honor 6: an evidence or symbol of distinction: as a: an exalted title or rank b(1): badge, decoration (2): a ceremonial rite or observance c: an award in a contest or field of competition d archaic: a gesture of deference, ie bow e plural (1): an academic distinction conferred on a superior student (2): a course of study for superior students supplementing or replacing a regular course
Straightforward enough, and I also understand this. It also isn't really pertinent to what I'm studying, but again helpful in helping me recognize what I'm not searching to learn.

Tidying up...

Did a bit of neatening before continuing. I find it interesting that as I explore honor, in depth, my hero is fleshing out more clearly. To me, a hero isn't a hero without honor. And yes, I've read books where the hero/heroine was less than honorable, and didn't like them.

Also worked on another writing project. A bit unexpected that, but satisfying, too, since it's been niggling at me.

Honor 5: The center point of the upper half of an armorial escutcheon
What?
armorial: of, relating to, or bearing heraldic arms
escutcheon: 1: A defined area on which armorial bearings are displayed and which usually consists of a shield 2: A protective or ornamental plate of flange 3: the part of a ship's stern on which the name is displayed
Oh.
Definitely not pertinent to my exploration, but thank you Merriam-Webster. It helps to know not only what you mean but what you don't mean.

Unexpected discovery...

Reading a book I don't enjoy is not inspiring. Not even a little bit. In fact, it's quite dampening, all the way around. Unfortunately, there are times when being tenacious is a distinct disadvantage. I keep reading hoping the story will improve. I'm more than half way through. So far, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am becoming more choosy in my reading material, which is helping. If the book isn't finished, tonight, it's still finished. Starting over fresh, tomorrow.

Honor 4: one whose worth brings respect or fame: credit i.e., an honor to the profession
I think is where my concept of the definition begins to waver. I've seen too many lauded as a credit to their profession, and yet evidence suggests they aren't honorable at all. That being said, I do know people who are truly a credit to their profession, exhibiting the best qualities, the traits you would want in the professional you would want on your side in a time of need. Perhaps, I'm finding myself mixing it with those professionals who lack honor but have gained fame, and too often there are too many who hold fame in higher value than honor. I understand this definition, but it needs a lot of refining before it fits properly.

TGIF...

I think I'm falling in love with my hero. And he's fighting falling in love with my heroine. It's fun to watch. I'm amazed by how the story seems to be unfolding more easily. I start to write, and the next thing I know there are several hundred words on the page. It's a joy.

Honor 3: a person of superior standing --now used especially as a title for a holder of high office.
I understand this, but don't think it really applies to my personal study. There are too many who hold a high office who have no honor, no matter what label you stick on them. Perhaps I need to ask instead, am I worthy of such a title? Don't know yet, but then this is what this exercise is all about. But it also falls into the category of "is there enough evidence to convict me of being Christian?" I'm working on it. Perhaps a lifelong process, but I hope to have enough evidence soon, if I don't already, and then add as much as possible.

Long work days...

...make for very little writing. There simply doesn't seem to be much of anything left, after a heavy work day. I did add a little to the WIP, but even asking the characters what comes next gleans little more than a blank. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I did make a change I'd been thinking about, so hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to see what comes next.

Honor: 2: Privilege
Yes, I understand that one. Today, I noticed the date for the word first being used is the 13th century. I'm a bit confused by that since I know honor is a concept found in the Bible. The first thing that comes to mind is "honor thy father and thy mother." Maybe it's specifically the word "honor" as we know it in English. It is rooted in Latin. It's so easy to become bogged down in the details that don't really matter. But unless one is willing to explore the little details, it is difficult to find those hidden gems that are so easily overlooked by a quick glance.

Half way through the week...

I've finished my two busiest work days, and feel it. I want to curl up and do nothing. However, writing is a priority, so I've already spent a little time on the WIP. I do enjoy watching where my characters take me next.

My life did not turn out the way I planned, not even remotely, but I am coming to terms with the reality. I'm also finally accepting that God's plan was far better than mine, and immeasurably kinder.

Starting today, I'm going to explore honor here, little by little. I'm hoping that by investigating a little at a time, I'll better grasp the concept. Nuances are easily lost when clumped into a large whole. Pizza is yummy but only because of the combination of a multitude of ingredients. The Merriam-Webster definition: Noun 1a: good name or public esteem: reputation b: a showing of usually merited respect: recognition.
Okay, I understand that.

What happens after...

After I posted yesterday, I went back to the WIP, and oh wow. I added a thousand words. Unexpected and very encouraging. Today, I did a bit of re-reading and editing. I'm tickled with it.

Work isn't finished yet, so it's back to that, but I wanted to be sure I dedicated some time to my writing. Deciding to post here every day seems to be working well toward nudging me to write consistently. I love it when a plan comes together. :-)

My trust in God is growing, slowly but surely. I'm endeavoring to more fully accept His peace in my life. I still don't trust myself to follow His lead, but I believe more fully it will come, in time.

Missing but not ignoring....

With all the storms we've had, I decided to turn off the computer for the weekend. It has all worked out for the best. I didn't realize how well I wasn't feeling, until I'd slept for almost two days. I'm feeling much better now. I spent time this afternoon writing, and am pleased with the progress. Then I remind myself that there is probably an editor out there that will require cutting the bits I love. Cut and paste is a wonderful thing. So it doesn't fit in one story, it may fit in another. Trying to be optimistic.

I'm exploring the concept of honor. I know God has honor. It's a word thrown around a great deal, but growing up as I did, I've come to realize that I don't really know what it is. I know it's important to have. I know it needs to be a part of one's character, another word I'm learning about. What is character? I know what "a" character is, but what is character?

Storms lead to more brainstorms...

Shuffling notes, yesterday, and following an encouraging presentation, I've discovered a need to see, overall, where the story is and where it is going. I'm not so much a planner. I know people who are and am all kinds of impressed that they have that ability. Not my gift. I'm a panster, ie, writing by the seat of my pants. I enjoy the way the story takes a totally unexpected turn. It isn't easy to surprise yourself, but in writing it's possible. It's fun. That being said, I also recognize that I can't continue to wander aimlessly through this story. A bit of direction is in order, so this afternoon's writing is to give some form to my notes.

I'm endeavoring to learn that when things happen, beyond my control and out of reach of my power to do anything, it's wise and good to turn it over to God. Not easy for someone who feels a bone-deep need to be in control.

The other day I was asked, "Do you believe you're going to heaven?" It isn't a question I contemplate often. I figure God will decide. But I was asked, so I searched my heart, and decided that yes, I do believe I'm going to heaven. Then I was asked, "How do you think you'll make it?" I'm learning to stop and think before answering a question, but the answer was right there, "Because of my Savior. Look to God and Live." Finally I was asked if there were those who would not go to heaven and why. "God is the Judge, not me, and I'm so grateful it isn't my decision." I'm learning what I believe, down to my soul. I'm at peace with it.

Notes....

With more storms threatening the valley, I'm posting early today. It means shutting off my computer, so I'll be interviewing characters and taking notes and fleshing out backgrounds. During the brainstorming session the other day, I was asked what the parents did, and I realized I didn't know. How did I miss that? So time to fill in some blanks. I'm thinking it might also help with forwarding the story.

Praying for rain, but also praying that the storm isn't too severe. Never hurts to ask.

Unexpected help...

I did work on my WIP, yesterday, with help from writing friends. Thank you, Deena, Ann, Varina, and Natalie! It truly helped! And thanks to Chey for the impromptu brainstorm session and encouragement. Today, I'm adding what we brainstormed to my WIP.

As to what I'm doing with only a little work to do, I've been doing a bit of making order out of chaos. It feels good. Thanks to God for inspiration.

Back to work...

I enjoyed a quiet Sunday and didn't think about writing, anything. There are several books in my TBR pile that are in various stages of reading. These are the ones I read a little at a time and then think about before going on to the next paragraph, page, chapter, depending on how much time I need to think about what I've read.

Today, it was back into the WIP and it's coming along again. Problem solved.

This was in my quotes, today: "Love and laughter, not a sorrowful resignation mark real acceptance of My Will."--Two Listeners. Turning my life over to God is scary. Really scary. I'm not very good at it, but I am working on it. This gives me something specific to work on improving.

Timing...

I figured out the problem. Timing. My heroine informed me that it wasn't her timing that was off, it was mine. Now, it makes perfect sense why she's showing up in the scene. I found that this is frequently a problem. I'm frustrated with stories where the hero and heroine sit down in an expensive restaurant, have a ten minute conversation, and dinner is over. I've rarely been served in that a mount of time, let alone eating the whole meal, while talking with someone. I fret over taking too long or not long enough for an event or between encounters. An error either way can be distracting.

The bright side of missing the National Conference is that I'll have no excuse to not spend a lot more time writing. So, here's to the little bumps and bubbles God throws into life and seeing them as a blessing.

Another twist...

Right in the middle of my hero's introspection, the heroine showed up. What? Why? I don't know. Part of my writing time, tonight, will be spent interrogating my heroine. I have this sense that I was dragging my feet, and she grew impatient, but she needs to come up with a better excuse than "I was bored." Though, I must confess, she may be right about it dragging.

This morning, I discovered my bread-and-butter client will be out of town, all next week. Hrmph. I could have gone to Nationals, the RWA (Romance Writers of America) conference, in Orlando. Now, it is within my power to pout and grouse and feel miserable or explore the possibilities God has opened before me. I prefer the sound of the latter.

A bit of review...

After the unexpected turn in the WIP, I decided I'd better review what I'd written to be certain the continuity was intact. It is. I also took the opportunity to tighten scenes as I went. I have a habit of writing as if the reader is able to see what's in my head, forgetting that if I don't write it, the reader doesn't know it.

God's blessings: I didn't think I'd be able to do much writing, tonight, at least not what I had planned because of possible storms. I watched the storm's progress, and it looked like we were in for quite a bit of excitement. I enjoy storms, but they make me nervous as well. I worry about my electronic devices. I know really bad things can happen to me because they have. There was a lot of work to be done, and it had to be finished first. By the time I was ready to move onto my writing, the storm was "here." But it wasn't. The storm had split and gone around my city. I'm grateful. Another day, the storm will not pass, and that's a good thing. We need the rain. I needed this little miracle, today.

Still writing...

...every day. And the WIP is becoming something I'm really enjoying, instead of something I HAVE to do because it's niggling at me all the time. Perhaps a better word would be nagging me all the time. The hero is still center stage, and I like him more and more. He brought up the scripture where the Lord tells Saul, "It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks." How much have I been kicking at the pricks? More than I want to admit. My counselor would point to the wall to remind me that some things I try to control are truly out of my hands, but if I really I want to, then I'm welcome to bang my head against the wall because it will have the same effect.

Looking out my window, it's dead calm. Watching the weather radar, I wonder if it's the calm before the storm, literally. The sun setting in the West spotlights the palm trees across the way, while all else is in shadow. Amazing.

Unexpected turns...

Once again, the WIP is continuing to take a direction of its own. I hadn't planned to focus on the hero, but he has insisted. And I'm rather pleased he did because I like what he's revealing about himself.

Also spent a bit of today working on an entirely different project. Me. Exploring what I believe. Amber Scott does a Motivational Monday, and I decided to give it a try when she suggested visualizing what I want, including what it will feel like, taste like, sound like, smell like, for ten minutes every day. I thought I should visualize being a successful writer. It simply didn't work for me. Then I decided to visualize myself as healthy. Wow. I'm endeavoring to learn to keep my mind and heart open to the possibilities because God is not limited by anything when He sends inspiration, except my willingness to receive it.

Amazing what a day of rest brings...

Edited a bit of the current WIP, then asked the question, "What comes next?" Not what I expected! I started writing, and it was something I hadn't even considered. There is that part of me that wants to ask, "How did that happen?" I mean, it comes back to that odd sensation of telling THEIR stories not MY stories. But it's a little weird, so it's back to the writing, and not questioning too deeply. :-) Then again, I'm not sure why I'm surprised considering the fact that the last scene included dialogue that simply showed up. I think it's been in the back of my head, literally for years, and it finally found a place it fit. Please, nobody ask me to edit it out. :-D

Day of rest...3

I'm glad I decided today was a day to rest, particularly as my mind seems to be on vacation anyway. Looking back over the week, I was able to work through some sticky spots, do some re-writing, and editing to the point where I'm quite pleased with what was accomplished.

This week, I've also made the decision to more fully hold myself accountable for my health and welfare. God gave me this body, and it is my job to give the proper care and attention. If I don't know what to do, then it's my responsibility to learn. God has blessed me with a whole world of people who are willing to share what they've learned. He has also blessed me with a brain and inspiration to recognize what will help me and what will not, not to mention the right to explore, make mistakes, and make different decisions. If God expected me to be perfect, He wouldn't have provided the Atonement.

No storms, yet...

The storms passed to the north and south. I worked on the current scene, last night, critiquing and re-writing. Today, I picked up where I left off, and now I'm quite happy with it. I think I'm ready to move on. I'm sorting through my notes on scenes I want to include and deciding which I'll use. It's time to ask my characters "Where do we go from here?"

Interestingly enough, I'm starting to realize that very question is one I must ask myself, but I don't. I wonder why. My first reaction is that I'm afraid of the answer, but am I? Or am I selling myself short? Is it perhaps simply that I'm constantly asking the question, without conscious thought? Every day, I make so many decisions without thinking about them. I think with some decisions it makes no never mind what is chosen, but there are those key moments that lead me where I want to go or away. Making God a part of my daily life makes some of the decisions for me, and opens the way to some difficult choices because it is a choice between two good things. I have to wonder: if I don't know where I'm going, how will I know when I arrive?

Storms?

With potential storms in the forecast, this evening, I'm posting early. I'll either work on the computer, my personal preference, or on paper, if the storm actually blows in. I'm continuing the current scene, at this point.

Word to the wise: It's been six years since lightening struck close to home, and the charge blew up the processor in my computer. If I'd unplugged it, maybe it would have been all right, though I don't always remember to disconnect the cable to my modem, which was also fried. An experience that is still fresh in my mind. A mixed blessing as well. I'd only owned the computer a year, but I really didn't like it. There is that part of me that wonders if God was answering my prayers of frustration. I could have done without all the drama. Yes, I was hysterical. Not one of my finer moments, and definitely not a particularly strong example of faith. Granted, I was seriously stressed, as my job was at stake. I was richly blessed. I remember that even better. My heart still swells at the thought of the miracles that happened in my life in that turbulent time. So, when I hear someone say that anger and frustration are bad emotions and I should avoid such unpleasantness, I question and have to say no, that's wrong. The joy and peace God blessed me with because of loving friends was all the greater because I was lifted from the darkness of despair to the light of love.

Another day and no further along...

I re-read the most recent scene and though I like it overall, it's lacking, so I've spent the afternoon (after the pay-the-bills-work PTBW was done) re-writing. No, not re-writing but filling in details, making it more "real."

Perhaps I should mention that I have completed one book, already. It's an inspirational historical novel, in need of some serious re-writing. I think it's biggest flaw is point of view. Unfortunately, my tendency to jump around was painfully emphasized in print.

Which brings us back to the current WIP. Trying to keep to one point of view (POV) at a time in a section means I'm re-reading and re-evaluating, asking myself questions like "What the hero/heroine really think that? Or is that something the other person would do? Would they really be able to 'see' that?" I've always hated it when the POV person seems to be able to magically read the mind of the other person in the scene. Stop it! So, I comb my writing carefully now, for stray bits of displaced magic.

The miracles God provides may seem like magic, at times, but I hesitate to call it that, lest it be misconstrued. One of my favorite quotes is "Fill your pockets full of miracles." It's been a long time since I took that challenge. Maybe it's time again.

Delightful surprise...

Woke this morning with edits in my head and the continuation of the scene written yesterday, without all the nagging and grumbling. :-) I'm pleased with it.

My gratitude to another friend, who investigated how to permanently post my abbreviations and their meanings, then shared it with me. Done.

I could never accomplish what I have without an enormous amount of help from many wonderful people. The world is full of amazing people. Thank God I've been blessed to know so many.

Busted...

What do you do when you've already worked on another project, earlier in the day, and then your bill-paying work runs long, and you decide enough is enough and it's time to relax? I thought I'd catch up on a bit of reading, but what do I hear nattering in my head but my the hero and heroine from my current WIP whining, "You can't simply leave us here, in this horribly awkward situation. You promised, last night, you'd figure a way out. So, what's up? You have to help us..." And on and on and on. Fine. They are now written out of their awkward situation, and funnily enough, they're quite happy, until tomorrow, anyway. Try to take a little break and end up busted by my characters. It's embarrassing, being called on the carpet by your characters. Worse, I suspect it will happen again. *sigh*

God provided a gorgeous sunset, tonight, one of those priceless gifts. Learning to be grateful is also a gift, one I'm endeavoring to cultivate.

Onward and upward....

I did a bit of re-writing on the current WIP and it works better now. While I was working out the conflict issue with my current WIP, I found myself writing snatches of dialogue for a new WIP involving one of the characters in the current WIP. Yes, it can be incredibly confusing. And people wonder why writers seem so eccentric. How do I ever explain about the sister of the hero, who has decided to tell me more about her life, and because she's talking, her hero has presented himself to give his support, and the background info is helpful -- to a point -- but isn't pertinent to the current WIP, but in order to get it out of my head, I have to write it down because her voice simply grows louder and louder, demanding attention, and I'm unable to continue with the current WIP until I at least start her story, so she'll give me a little peace, maybe... you get the picture. It's difficult enough feeling crazy without anyone suggesting I am because they don't "get it." Odder still is the reminder that God blessed me with this gift. God has a sense of humor, no doubt about it.

Day of rest...

Being the Sabbath, I decided to take a rest. I know that my subconscious will continue to work, but giving my mind a break from the daily cares allows me to re-evaluate my priorities and plan changes, if necessary. It's only been one week since I officially started this adventure, and I know I've made progress, in several areas of my life.

Lesson learned: Not long ago, I began adding lavender to my pancake mix, first out of curiosity and then because I really liked it. This morning, I forgot. I was nibbling on my test pancake and thought it terribly bland. The second pancake was already cooking. Instead of simply accepting the lack, I hurried and added a bit to the rest of the batter. Delicious! It's all right to change things part way through.

And: One of my nieces helped me experiment with makeup and hair styles. She possesses an innate talent for fashion from the top of her head to her toes that eludes me. We didn't do anything major or what I would consider alarming. It was the little things she taught me how to do that made me feel like I could manage this outward change. Little things make a difference.

God provides all that is good in life.

Houston, we have a problem....

As I worked on my WIP, today, I learned something disconcerting. I finished an emotional scene, and was writing a relaxed scene, only to feel like it was dragging. It dawned on me that there has been no conflict between my hero and heroine. None. Eureka! Aha! The proverbial light bulb! Oh, no! I hate conflict. I like my hero and heroine. Maybe they're a little too perfect. Well, now what? I quietly put the thought on the back burner. At least, that was the plan, except that with my new determination to move forward that is no longer an option. Standing still opens the door to the risk of being run over by Life. Best to keep moving. So, I've spent the day mulling over possibilities. I haven't actually created a solid plan, yet, but I'm not allowing it to hold me back either. It might be time to ask them, again, "What's next?"

It isn't easy turning one's life over to God. It's quite frightening. He does not see this Life as we do. I see this moment, a coming together of all the past moments, and struggle to hope for the future. However, God sees it all, past, present, future, all at once. This whole life thing isn't about Him testing me. He already knows. I call this the Abraham/Isaac principle. God knew what Abraham and Isaac would do, when asked to make that horrible sacrifice. Abraham and Isaac needed to know what they would do. God knows what I will do. He knows me from the beginning. I have forgotten. I need to remember. Life is about remembering who we are.

Life happens...

Managed to finish all my work, that's the pay-the-bills work, and then had unexpected company of the good variety. A thoroughly enjoyable evening, but not much time for writing. No excuses. I'd been worrying about determining what time of year it is. Now it's decided. Also accomplished a bit of editing. Every little bit is another step forward.

A quote for the day: "All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible." ~ T.E. Lawrence

Scripture for the day: Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God."

So far so good...

I've spent some time editing and adding to the current WIP. It really does help to ask, "So what comes next?" I'm also a little surprised by how much it helps to know that I have to post progress here, every day.

I also worked on another project, adding notes to the main document.

I've also started investigating different Christian/Inspirational publishers, gathering names and checking what their word length requirements are.

Walking, this morning, at a local park, a little duckling was wandering alone by the lake. I could hear an adult duck quacking, but the baby seemed confused. I couldn't leave it alone, but the next thing I knew it was following me. No good. What could I do? Three other ducklings appeared from under an overhang. With a little coaxing, our lost duckling found his way to the edge and dropped in. Suddenly, the awkwardness disappeared, as well as the distress, as he was re-united with the others. God sends unexpected helpers to watch over us and coax us, even when we don't realize we are lost.

Long day of work...

The pay-the-bills type of work took much longer than planned, today, but that happens. I usually write off anything else, but with redefining my priorities, not writing wasn't an option. It merits attention, every day, because I truly enjoy it.

I fixed that little bit, from last night, I wasn't happy about. Funnily enough, I'd forgotten about asking the characters "What comes next?" Silly of me. As soon as I asked, the heroine was more than happy to set me straight.

With that gentle inspiration from a loving God, who gave me the stories to tell, I came to an understand that part of my struggle as been the ever present fear. Any writer will tell you of the angst involved in sharing their work, their babies. Their stories are a part of who they are. It matters not that they haven't physically lived every word they pen; they have lived it in their mind and heart, and poured it onto the page. To read a book is to share the thoughts and dreams of another human being. Best not to think too much about it. It says a great deal about a writer's ability to overcome the fear of rejection or ridicule, to lay before the world their inner workings.

Today's accounting... practice

I hope that soon I'll feel comfortable changing that title. For now, I need to remember to be accountable. So, here I am. I added more to the current WIP. I wrote a bit of dialogue by hand last night, and I typed it in, this evening. I've started on the next scene, but it doesn't feel right. I'm endeavoring to let myself think more about the story.

Another writing project, still in its earliest stages, earned a bit of my time. I transferred some hand written notes into the note gathering document. Funny, or not, I had been able to write some of the things out by hand, but couldn't type them into the document.

Last year, I think, I read Karen E. Peterson's Write. 10 Days to Overcome Writer's Block. Period. One of the most important things I learned was that it was important to feel safe writing. Safe is not something with which I'm well acquainted. That being said, I'm tired of waiting to feel safe so I can write.

This is where I am learning to allow myself to trust God. Not that I trust Him to keep me safe. He hasn't in the past. But I am learning to trust that God is in control. I do whatever and all I'm able, then turn it over to God. After that, I remind myself that God is the one in control anyway. I believe He expects me to use the brain He gave me, but my arrogance shows through when I pretend I am in control. Believing I was in control has brought a lot of heartache, but turning over control scares me silly. I recognize that this is where faith comes in. If one knows, then faith is unnecessary. Throughout the scriptures, the importance of faith is reiterated, again and again, so God clearly thinks faith is pretty important. The only way to cultivate it is to practice it, so here I am practicing.

Abbreviations and today's accounting...

Abbreviations that will help in future posts...

WIP - Work In Progress which I'll probably use the most.
MIP - Mess In Progress which I won't use often, though I imagine there will be days.
LOTR - Lord of the Rings, an undeniable influence in my life for good.

I edited my current WIP and added the next scene. Didn't expect that. But I'm happy with the work accomplished. I also did some outlining and wrote some questions to ask my hero. The heroine has a dog, but I haven't decided if the hero does, too, or not.

Sharing with a dear friend that I worry about doing right by the characters, she reminded me that not doing anything is definitely not doing right by them. I have to remind myself that I'm allowed to be wrong and rewrite. Leaving the story untold is worse than telling it wrong.

Nora Roberts said, "The most important thing in writing is to have written. I can always fix a bad page. I can't fix a blank one."

Happy Independence Day

It seems a fitting day to make my own Declaration of Independence. I choose to leave the past behind, learning from it but no longer allowing it to rule my future. I choose to explore the gift of words God has given me, more fully. I choose to learn to overcome the fear that holds me frozen too often. I choose to accept each day as a gift to draw nearer to God and the amazing people I encounter every day. I choose to embrace the adventure God offers me in the life He has given me.

Beginning today does not mean I will succeed instantly in all these new things, only that I will step into the days to come with a deeper, more deliberate, conscious effort to adhere to my new commitment. Many years ago, I accepted my Savior's Atonement for me, but I also realized then that it would be a constant, daily battle to fully embrace that precious gift. A gift I am given every day I acknowledge my Savior's sacrifice.

So now I embark on an adventure that has called to my heart most of my life. I don't know where it will lead me in the end, but it seems to me that God is more interested in what I learn along the way. Today, I choose to share the ongoing process of creating a writer, me. I am accountable to God for what I do with what He has given me. Here, I will mark my progress. I will endeavor to keep an accounting, every day. I've chosen the Safe Harbor theme because God is my Safe Harbor. No matter what comes my way in life God is always with me. I pray I offer hope and shore up faith because being Christian doesn't mean life is all sweetness and nice; sometimes, our faith and hope are the only things between us and the abyss. God bless.